On My Own

No you beside me
I'm on my own
No you to guide me
I'm on my own

No one to talk to
Now that I'm on my own
No one to smile to
Now that I'm on my own

Will anybody hear my song?
Not while I'm on my own
Will anybody stay for long?
Not while I'm on my own

O! How I miss you so
Since I was left on my own
O! How I need you so
Since I was left on my own

Now there are only memories
I must be on my own
No one to heal all these injuries
I must be on my own

Nothing remains but a goodbye kiss
And so I was left on my own
Nothing will ever hurt as much as this
And so I am on my own

Obscure

Every thing is dark 

It doesn't matter where you look 

The light doesn't seem to reach you 

In the shadows you remain 

Blind, rejected and excluded

From the world that has condemn you 

Nobody misses you 

Nobody remembers you

Nothing last

Nothing remains, 

Not even a single memory on your behalf 

Every thing was just a game, 

A lie, 

A lie which managed to poison your soul

And so your existence becomes meaningless

Your life seems rather pointless

Sorrow and a broken heart are all that is left

Lonesome and forgotten you've became

At the end, suffering was the only goal to pursuit 

at it you did a magnificent work 

But you all should know that you've got some help 

and such credit must be given to you know who

The brightest part of whom you've once been

has managed to fade away 

and so have you 

there might be hope for those who look for you

but they should know,

that only in obscurity you shall be found

Happy Endings

Love..., everybody wants some of it, I know I do, and even though I'm much of a pessimist on this subject well happy endings still don't bore me, it's true they don't bore me at all, I might get a bit depressed after encountering so many happy endings (this, obviously because I'm alone and without a lover) anyway I love watching romantic comedies, yes, those cheese, predictable, dramatic but funny movies about love. And yes, I know they are a big cliché they all end happily ever after, which if you evaluate the lack of love lately you would probably ended that movie differently.

But it's a bit of a contradiction how the more you are in pain, the more you're longing for love. Why is that? Love doesn't mean eternal happiness, so why do we are constantly seeking and wanting love? Because we are human beings, it's a bit of a necessity for us, we feel good when someone wants us, and let's face it we want someone who takes care of us, who tells us nice things, who worries about us, who cares about us, who makes nice things for us, someone who remembers all the important things, someone who can truly see you, read you, understand you, love you for who you are with flaws and all. 

It sounds beautiful, yes, that's why we want it, that's why we need it. Whenever we thing about love there is this nice sensation, this feeling, it's like happiness but better and stronger and a bit more intense. Yes, it's intense and passionate and it just makes you feel good, about yourself, about the world, you forget about all your troubles, for a moment everything seems to be alright... and it is, that's why we need love, if we all could love at once there would be no evil in the world, no wars, no conflicts, no troubles... 

Those are amazing thoughts, unfortunately we cannot live in a perfect world, it might be a little bit to boring and too perfect. Everything always beautiful, without any sort of concern, no problems, just love. Maybe even then we wouldn't appreciate love so much and it will become something like a habit, to love only because if you do the world is better, everything gets better. There wouldn't be much of a point on doing that and we would find chaos at the end...

That's why we need love, because it's so rare to feel it, it's so rare to truly find it and that's what makes us longing for it even more, we always aim to high, we always want things we can't have, I'm not saying that finding love is impossible or that love doesn't exist, i believe in happy endings, remember -happy endings still don't bore me- and they don't I believe in happy endings as much as I believe in love, and even though it's hard to find, I know that I'll find it one day, I can feel it in my heart, I know there is someone for everybody, that special person who completes you and who makes you feel like you've never been before him/her. I know I haven't met you yet but whenever that day arrives I'll never let you go. I know I have to keep on believing, keep on waiting but at the end the wait will be worth it, of that I'm sure.

   

Have you ever feel like...?

Have you ever feel like leaving everything behind?

Living doesn’t really seem to fit with you anymore, so you begin to have lots of suicidal ideas, making sure that every single one of those ideas suits your personality, if you were afraid of the water you wouldn’t throw yourself out of a bridge into a river, or if you are afraid of speed you wouldn’t crash your car in the highway, so your mind starts to work in a very creative way, you plan every single detail of your possible anticipated death and just when you have come up with the perfect plan, in that very moment you realize how cowardly your behavior will be, yes you would be the one who stop trying, how lazy of you and how coward to end with your life just because you have had several complications.

Would you be able to forgive yourself after doing that? I mean we all have a purpose in life, was yours to be the one who stopped trying? The one who gave up too soon? The one who didn’t have the guts to cope with his/her problems? You would become the one who would be forgotten first and was that your purpose? To come to the world and die young and be forgotten, almost as if you’ve never come…

Think about it, is it worth it? Would you give up a possible life filled with happiness? Will you? Instead of spending quite a long time planning your death, you could have used your creativity to plan a way to solve some of your problems, don’t you think? Of course whenever we are depressed we don’t think about such things, why would we? Nothing seems to make sense at the moment.

So, I would like to make you a suggestion whenever you’re feeling like the whole world is against you just walk away, go some place you feel better, cry, yes, listen to sad music, be mad at the world, do whatever makes you feel better (except hurting yourself) and then when it is all over and you begin to feel yourself again, do something for yourself, relax, go out with your friends, talk to someone about what’s going on with you (you never know, some good advice may come along), go and hug someone you really care about, give yourself a treat (buy something for you, or have your favourite meal for dinner, buy some chocolates, ice-cream, go to the movies, do something crazy you’ve always wanted to do (it will change your perspective about life), talk to a stranger, make new friends, all of these are just a few of the things you can do, the sky is the limit, let your imagination flow and take over, after doing all of that and more you will start to feel less and less depressed and you will realize that life is what you make of it.

Trapped

Every single day that passes by I wonder why am I in this situation?

I want to get out of this coffin, the bad part is that since there isn't dirt over it, it's harder to set me free.
All over the coffin in which I find myself buried alive are my troubles, both internal and external, with my family, with friends, with the world, with life, with my current sad situation. But not only troubles surround and cover my coffin, no, also my loneliness, people's rejection, people's looking over my head and ignoring me completely, the fact that I'm invisible for others, the fact that I always like the wrong guys, the fact that nobody likes me, the fact that I'll end up alone.
All of these turn into sorrow, depression, sadness, crying and I end up, emotionless, alone, suicidal, mad at the world, mad at God, faith, etc.

And so, little by little as my troubles grow bigger my coffin goes deeper underground, and it's harder to get out, I don't even know if I want to get out any more, I don't think that if I do something will change, will I be happy? Maybe, or maybe not, perhaps I'll end up less depressed but on the same situation, unloved and unwanted.

Why was I created for? I have never found myself to be loved, to be truly appreciated (yes, I do have friends and they do make me happy but unfortunately I can't be with them always and sorrow comes back to take its place instead). Why suffering has to be the most important thing in my life, the most outstanding out of everything else?

Now I feel lifeless and I don't know how to change from a state of sadness and misery to a state of happiness and peace of mind. Perhaps I'm not meant to find out, perhaps I'm a terrible person who deserves all of this pain, my wounds they never heal, and even though my face doesn't show my pain it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Not all that it is in the surface it's what's inside.

No more you around

It seems like if it was only yesterday when we sit and talk about everything and nothing, it was so amazing how by your presence only I was happy, and smiling, yes you made smile you made me happy, and now… I spend days crying over you, in sadness, wondering what could I have done wrong that now you despise me so.

I will never know, maybe it was just me, you got tired of me, for a while I was interesting but later on it just didn't make sense that you want me, that you care about me. Do I scare people away? The other day I was on the bus and it was so crowded, by the end of the first stop the sit next to me was empty and yet nobody sit with me… what does that means? Do I scare people away? Is my presence alone so unbearable that no one can stand sitting with me on the bus? Not even a stranger… You have no idea how rejected I felt, how lonely and miserable!

Maybe that’s why you stop talking to me, maybe you realized you were wasting your time with someone like me, you realized that it wasn’t worth it, that I was too weird, maybe you had enough of me, the simplicity of my soul makes me boring? Maybe so… Maybe I’m just meant to suffer as I’ve always said and rejection and abandon is all I can expect from those who once liked me, befriended me…

The most difficult part is that I haven’t manage to forget you, it’s not so easy, you meant a lot to me, and now you’re gone, you’ve vanished from my life just like the morning spring evaporates as soon as the sun comes out, and it’s like you’ve never been there, you leave no trace at all, not a visible one because I keep you in my heart, my broken heart, my lonely heart.

And it’s so hard to cope with the pain especially when you know that the other person is not suffering, he has forgotten all about you so easily and so fast, you don’t cross his mind every morning, every single day, he doesn’t have any song which reminds him of you, no he’s alright, he has moved on. It’s almost as if you never existed, he could pass by and not notice you.

It must be my fault, I’m constantly wanting things that aren’t meant for me…

Will I be better in time??? I can’t tell, I’ll try to forget you, it’s useless to carry on with this obsession.

Everybody's gotta learn sometimes

Always wanting what I can have... Will I ever learn?  Apparently I've come to this world to live in pain and to die with great sorrow, how incredibly ridiculous would it be that someday I could actually be happy, but no that's not for me.
And yet, I'm so stubborn that I can't manage to fix that idea into my mind, I'm always waiting for something  miraculous to happen to me, but of course that's so silly, miracles DON'T exist, not in my world.

There are many things I have yet to learn but I like to live in a fantasy world and refuse to accept all those ideas, I refuse to accept reality. And that's how you end up being even more miserable, because you are waiting for something magnificent event to occur and change your life completely. I should wake up and realize that it will never happen, and even though everybody seems to agree about not being the right time for things to come my way, I know the truth, I know I'll end up alone and unhappy, but basically ALONE.

Apparently nobody notices me and not only that, nobody likes me, nobody feels aroused by my presence, nobody will ever love me, and I guess that's the way life works, some people get many lovers, many relationships and others, like me, get nothing, no love, not a single proof of affection, not even a proof of sympathy.

I'm sure that Destiny is having a blast right now, with my suffering, with my misery... Well I have nothing else to do, I don't want to be here for much longer, not like this. I need to be free and just to make this pain go away. I sound pretty brave and bold, but will I do it? Will I end with my life? I'd like to, I mean I don't see the purpose of staying alive, the purpose of living... But I won't I'm much of a coward to do something like that, I'd never be able to. So I'll just keep on suffering and suffering and suffering and suffering and suffering and...