In the depths of a bright blue ocean

One step towards the end 

And your feet began to hurt 

The pain was so great 

But you had to keep going further

And so you keep on walking

Through the arid desert of nothingness

You take off your shoes

And you are barefoot on the burning sand 

Your feet cracked and became hard as rock 

Or at least that is what you felt

The pain was too great that you no longer perceived it 

And a trail of blood lied behind you

You looked back and noticed the blood

You smiled, and continued walking 

Though you were not sure why you smiled 

Or why would a trail of blood bring a spark of happiness to your heart?

The only possible answer was that you've left your trace in the world

Whether some one ever sees it or not

You were content with leaving a bit of yourself in this world 

At least that was done 

And so you took a deep breath and lied down on the burning soil 

The instant touch of your skin with the sand brought warmth to your heart

It would probably be the last time you will ever feel something of the sort

A strong wind hit the ground and formed a twister  

In it you could hear all the voices of the ones you've loved 

And that made all the sorrow in your heart grew bigger and bigger 

Tears dropped from your face and you stand up 

Ready to continue and leave all that behind you 

They will be truly happy now and you will no longer be in pain 

You kept on moving and bleeding 

And when you have finally reached the end of the world 

You saw it, a calm sea, waiting for you to get in 

You never really learnt to swim but that didn't matter 

You jumped in 

The water washed away all of your sorrows 

You were free for the first time

Suffering will never reach your heart ever again 

The depths of a bright blue sea protected you 

Nothing or any one could harm you there

You have found your peace

Choices

Life is way too complicated, but you all know that. I am nobody's life is perfect, right? Ok, so I've been thinking about my own issues and how is it that in spite of all the effort I ever do to make things right some times it never seems to work out.

But this time I haven't been making my best to solve things and I think that's bad, I need to have some sort of closure because only with it I'll be able to move on.
Yes, some times all we need to do it's that we constantly avoid. It may seem awkward or perhaps you don't want to do it because you're scared of whatever happen next. And you like it or not, you will influence the result, that last result you have been avoiding, but you need to do it.

Why?

Well because it's insane, you're suffering so very much and you have to stop, you can't keep on living in sadness for ever.

Even when you know it might hurt, you have to try... it's better to know for once and for all than to be waiting and hoping for something to happen... what if nothing ever changes? then what? will you wait for ever? It doesn't make much sense, does it?

So this time I'll listen to my own voice, my own advice... enough time has passed by so far and I need to know, I already did this one time before with another person and yes things didn't end up well but at least I could get over him, it's what i needed the most.

I won't be afraid,  it's as a good friend told me: You have nothing to lose, and she's right, I have nothing to lose but what I can gain could be amazing, even if things don't end well, still I can win, I'll have some peace of mind.
I'll try and hopefully next time you will know if things end up nicely or not :D
Keep your fingers crossed for me ;)

Everybody's gotta learn sometimes

Always wanting what I can have... Will I ever learn?  Apparently I've come to this world to live in pain and to die with great sorrow, how incredibly ridiculous would it be that someday I could actually be happy, but no that's not for me.
And yet, I'm so stubborn that I can't manage to fix that idea into my mind, I'm always waiting for something  miraculous to happen to me, but of course that's so silly, miracles DON'T exist, not in my world.

There are many things I have yet to learn but I like to live in a fantasy world and refuse to accept all those ideas, I refuse to accept reality. And that's how you end up being even more miserable, because you are waiting for something magnificent event to occur and change your life completely. I should wake up and realize that it will never happen, and even though everybody seems to agree about not being the right time for things to come my way, I know the truth, I know I'll end up alone and unhappy, but basically ALONE.

Apparently nobody notices me and not only that, nobody likes me, nobody feels aroused by my presence, nobody will ever love me, and I guess that's the way life works, some people get many lovers, many relationships and others, like me, get nothing, no love, not a single proof of affection, not even a proof of sympathy.

I'm sure that Destiny is having a blast right now, with my suffering, with my misery... Well I have nothing else to do, I don't want to be here for much longer, not like this. I need to be free and just to make this pain go away. I sound pretty brave and bold, but will I do it? Will I end with my life? I'd like to, I mean I don't see the purpose of staying alive, the purpose of living... But I won't I'm much of a coward to do something like that, I'd never be able to. So I'll just keep on suffering and suffering and suffering and suffering and suffering and...

LIFE and Concepts so hardly stick in our minds

Why is it that we find so easy to judge someone? Why?... Answering this question turns out to be quite difficult, maybe it's something I don't want to admit, do I believe I'm better than the rest? Am I that egocentric and shallow? I don't believe those words truly mark my character. Why then it's so hard to answer to that question? Is there really an answer? Maybe there is one but since it's so hard to accept maybe we decide to skip that... I believe that it's because we don't want to look our reflection in the mirror and notice all our flaws, and so we decide to focus on the rest, we detect them and point at them as if they were the most horrible thing on Earth (yes, this is one girl's opinion, you may differ about the answer to that question and you're in your right to do so, we all think differently).

Due to all that previous argument I have come to ask myself the very own significance of awkwardness and weird, yes two concepts apparently so easy to comprehend, and yet I don't feel like looking up the definition on a dictionary, that's not what I care about. I don't want that my perception of those concepts to be influenced by what a dictionary says and definitely not about what society has imposed as awkward or weird.

But they are already under that imposition, if they weren't probably they wouldn't exist in my head. My perception of awkward and weird has been previously set by society itself. Then this derived to a new question, don't I have a mind of my own? All our very thoughts have been polluted by the influence not only of society but also about our own cultures and the history of our own countries.

Is my mind already set to believe all the things they want us to believe? I'm starting to feel like if I was a robot or as if I was in one of those science-fiction film when the main character is starting to realize where he is and what's his reality... I hope for my own sake that this is not the case.

Have we all been brain washed by society, by our own rulers just to do whatever they have in mind for us to do? Ok, this has turn out a bit dramatic, right? Well I refuse to believe that I haven't been thinking by myself all this time, that I have been thinking what others wanted me to think, that someone has inserted all those thoughts on my mind. No, of course it cannot be, if it were to be like that I wouldn't be writing this right now, that's why my main point is that we should start forgetting about all those concepts that society in a certain manner has put in our heads, we are free to decide what's weird and awkward and why classify people like that? We are all humans after all, there is no need to behave in such a discriminatory way.

Ok, even though all my arguments seem pretty convincing I still can't help the fact that I feel so uncomfortable whenever I'm with someone who's different from the rest... (And I feel so bad about it, now that I have analysed this thoroughly) And I'm not saying that I'm going to be Miss Best Friend to Everybody because it's not the point, I'm not that nice LOL no one can't be that nice.

Could it be that I'm pre-set to feel uncomfortable with those who are different from the rest? Am I scared? I don't know for sure, maybe it's a combination of both and many other things I can't really perceive quite so easily.

Now I just feel sad and I do regret all those times I treated someone differently just because they were so different to me, and it's not fair to do that. Sometimes I have felt rejected, neglected, and/or ignored and it's not nice at all, I don't know if I have been considered weird or awkward to be around, so why having this attitude towards others? I don't see the point, it's time to change, it's time to be a better person.