Always wanting what I can have... Will I ever learn? Apparently I've come to this world to live in pain and to die with great sorrow, how incredibly ridiculous would it be that someday I could actually be happy, but no that's not for me.
And yet, I'm so stubborn that I can't manage to fix that idea into my mind, I'm always waiting for something miraculous to happen to me, but of course that's so silly, miracles DON'T exist, not in my world.
There are many things I have yet to learn but I like to live in a fantasy world and refuse to accept all those ideas, I refuse to accept reality. And that's how you end up being even more miserable, because you are waiting for something magnificent event to occur and change your life completely. I should wake up and realize that it will never happen, and even though everybody seems to agree about not being the right time for things to come my way, I know the truth, I know I'll end up alone and unhappy, but basically ALONE.
Apparently nobody notices me and not only that, nobody likes me, nobody feels aroused by my presence, nobody will ever love me, and I guess that's the way life works, some people get many lovers, many relationships and others, like me, get nothing, no love, not a single proof of affection, not even a proof of sympathy.
I'm sure that Destiny is having a blast right now, with my suffering, with my misery... Well I have nothing else to do, I don't want to be here for much longer, not like this. I need to be free and just to make this pain go away. I sound pretty brave and bold, but will I do it? Will I end with my life? I'd like to, I mean I don't see the purpose of staying alive, the purpose of living... But I won't I'm much of a coward to do something like that, I'd never be able to. So I'll just keep on suffering and suffering and suffering and suffering and suffering and...
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Je vais bien, ne t'en fais pas! (I'm alright, don't worry)
This is a French expression but also it's the title of a French film, a sort of depressing one which I love (probably because I'm a depressive girl too, and also because I understand exactly and can relate to what's going on with the girl). Anyway, I haven't been feeling that depressed since a while ago, but it has just came back... Why?
Well that's what happens to me, maybe because I'm not happy, maybe because I want things I'll never have but I'm so stubborn and much of a dreamer to give up and set my mind to it, I'm too much of a dreamer to accept reality, even when being a dreamer it hurts so much, even much than being realistic (because at least when you have accepted reality, you know what to expect and you're not waiting for something great to happen to you, something you know it's impossible in your world).
I don't know what to do to change the way that I feel, sometimes I feel better for a while but it doesn't last long enough, but well what I can do now it's write about it, that's why I share this lines with you, thanks for all of those who read it.
If you've got the chance watch the movie, but if you are in the same depressive mood as I am, maybe you should think about the feelings this movie might awake in your soul (you have been warned).
I leave with you the trailer in case you feel curious about the film.
Monday, August 29, 2011
LIFE and Concepts so hardly stick in our minds
Why is it that we find so easy to judge someone? Why?... Answering this question turns out to be quite difficult, maybe it's something I don't want to admit, do I believe I'm better than the rest? Am I that egocentric and shallow? I don't believe those words truly mark my character. Why then it's so hard to answer to that question? Is there really an answer? Maybe there is one but since it's so hard to accept maybe we decide to skip that... I believe that it's because we don't want to look our reflection in the mirror and notice all our flaws, and so we decide to focus on the rest, we detect them and point at them as if they were the most horrible thing on Earth (yes, this is one girl's opinion, you may differ about the answer to that question and you're in your right to do so, we all think differently).
Due to all that previous argument I have come to ask myself the very own significance of awkwardness and weird, yes two concepts apparently so easy to comprehend, and yet I don't feel like looking up the definition on a dictionary, that's not what I care about. I don't want that my perception of those concepts to be influenced by what a dictionary says and definitely not about what society has imposed as awkward or weird.
But they are already under that imposition, if they weren't probably they wouldn't exist in my head. My perception of awkward and weird has been previously set by society itself. Then this derived to a new question, don't I have a mind of my own? All our very thoughts have been polluted by the influence not only of society but also about our own cultures and the history of our own countries.
Is my mind already set to believe all the things they want us to believe? I'm starting to feel like if I was a robot or as if I was in one of those science-fiction film when the main character is starting to realize where he is and what's his reality... I hope for my own sake that this is not the case.
Have we all been brain washed by society, by our own rulers just to do whatever they have in mind for us to do? Ok, this has turn out a bit dramatic, right? Well I refuse to believe that I haven't been thinking by myself all this time, that I have been thinking what others wanted me to think, that someone has inserted all those thoughts on my mind. No, of course it cannot be, if it were to be like that I wouldn't be writing this right now, that's why my main point is that we should start forgetting about all those concepts that society in a certain manner has put in our heads, we are free to decide what's weird and awkward and why classify people like that? We are all humans after all, there is no need to behave in such a discriminatory way.
Ok, even though all my arguments seem pretty convincing I still can't help the fact that I feel so uncomfortable whenever I'm with someone who's different from the rest... (And I feel so bad about it, now that I have analysed this thoroughly) And I'm not saying that I'm going to be Miss Best Friend to Everybody because it's not the point, I'm not that nice LOL no one can't be that nice.
Could it be that I'm pre-set to feel uncomfortable with those who are different from the rest? Am I scared? I don't know for sure, maybe it's a combination of both and many other things I can't really perceive quite so easily.
Now I just feel sad and I do regret all those times I treated someone differently just because they were so different to me, and it's not fair to do that. Sometimes I have felt rejected, neglected, and/or ignored and it's not nice at all, I don't know if I have been considered weird or awkward to be around, so why having this attitude towards others? I don't see the point, it's time to change, it's time to be a better person.
Due to all that previous argument I have come to ask myself the very own significance of awkwardness and weird, yes two concepts apparently so easy to comprehend, and yet I don't feel like looking up the definition on a dictionary, that's not what I care about. I don't want that my perception of those concepts to be influenced by what a dictionary says and definitely not about what society has imposed as awkward or weird.
But they are already under that imposition, if they weren't probably they wouldn't exist in my head. My perception of awkward and weird has been previously set by society itself. Then this derived to a new question, don't I have a mind of my own? All our very thoughts have been polluted by the influence not only of society but also about our own cultures and the history of our own countries.
Is my mind already set to believe all the things they want us to believe? I'm starting to feel like if I was a robot or as if I was in one of those science-fiction film when the main character is starting to realize where he is and what's his reality... I hope for my own sake that this is not the case.
Have we all been brain washed by society, by our own rulers just to do whatever they have in mind for us to do? Ok, this has turn out a bit dramatic, right? Well I refuse to believe that I haven't been thinking by myself all this time, that I have been thinking what others wanted me to think, that someone has inserted all those thoughts on my mind. No, of course it cannot be, if it were to be like that I wouldn't be writing this right now, that's why my main point is that we should start forgetting about all those concepts that society in a certain manner has put in our heads, we are free to decide what's weird and awkward and why classify people like that? We are all humans after all, there is no need to behave in such a discriminatory way.
Ok, even though all my arguments seem pretty convincing I still can't help the fact that I feel so uncomfortable whenever I'm with someone who's different from the rest... (And I feel so bad about it, now that I have analysed this thoroughly) And I'm not saying that I'm going to be Miss Best Friend to Everybody because it's not the point, I'm not that nice LOL no one can't be that nice.
Could it be that I'm pre-set to feel uncomfortable with those who are different from the rest? Am I scared? I don't know for sure, maybe it's a combination of both and many other things I can't really perceive quite so easily.
Now I just feel sad and I do regret all those times I treated someone differently just because they were so different to me, and it's not fair to do that. Sometimes I have felt rejected, neglected, and/or ignored and it's not nice at all, I don't know if I have been considered weird or awkward to be around, so why having this attitude towards others? I don't see the point, it's time to change, it's time to be a better person.
Thanks!
I have 12 entries so far and I want to thank to my dear friends for reading them and to anyone else out there reading them as well, I hope you're enjoying them and I hope my posts will improve with time!
Love you all!
Love you all!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Buttlerfly
Spread your wings and fly away
away from all this suffering
away from all this crying
move on to a better life
follow the sun and
leave the shadows and sorrows behind you
fly away to the sweetness awaiting you
to some better place and
keep on flying and then
in happiness you shall be found
Pear
away from all this suffering
away from all this crying
move on to a better life
follow the sun and
leave the shadows and sorrows behind you
fly away to the sweetness awaiting you
to some better place and
keep on flying and then
in happiness you shall be found
Pear
Thursday, August 25, 2011
It's like riding a bicycle
While talking to a couple of friends one day, by some strange reason we end up talking about driving and I was saying how if you don't practice you tend to forget how to drive in the first place, so it's not like you have to take driving lessons all over again but you will need to practice some stuff before hitting the streets hehe
Well my good friend Pam said well not really, is it? She said, it's like riding a bicycle, you just doing automatically...
So I told her well Pam I don't know about that, I've never done that, O! yes I never learnt how to ride a bike... which I blame my parents for, of course, well there is the fact that they never bought me a bike and also I think I wasn't into it either, after all being as weird as I am, why would I want to ride a bike like everybody else, right? hehe some words of consolation, some pride on that last lines hehe
Ok the main point of this post was that it was pretty funny when my friend said that, and well it's quite sad that i will never be able to actually use that line or fully comprehend it! O, well that's life hehe
Pear
Well my good friend Pam said well not really, is it? She said, it's like riding a bicycle, you just doing automatically...
So I told her well Pam I don't know about that, I've never done that, O! yes I never learnt how to ride a bike... which I blame my parents for, of course, well there is the fact that they never bought me a bike and also I think I wasn't into it either, after all being as weird as I am, why would I want to ride a bike like everybody else, right? hehe some words of consolation, some pride on that last lines hehe
Ok the main point of this post was that it was pretty funny when my friend said that, and well it's quite sad that i will never be able to actually use that line or fully comprehend it! O, well that's life hehe
Pear
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Ageing
Why is it that we think so much about getting older?
Why are we so concerned about that?
Why is it so important?
Why do we have to worry about it at all?
Is it something that happens to those within a certain age range?
If so…Why?
I’m 22 I’m not old, I’m a young woman ready to have new experiences… am I? Of course I am and I can’t wait to have new experiences day by day, but what I really want to do it’s go some place far from home, some place so strange, some place with an interesting culture, some place beautiful that fills me up with life by being there.
O! yes I have dreams like these everyday and I like to day-dream and to imagine myself over there so happy and so filled with life.
I’m sure one day it’ll happen so I’m just eager for all the wonderful things I’ll find on my way, in the mean time I’ll enjoy my life, my friends and who knows what life will bring you, I’m always open to that.
Pear
There is something about me
They will never be able to comprehend the complexity of my soul, for some i may seem as if i was completely mental but for the rest i’m just making a big deal out of nothing.
The thing is that if i don’t say what i mean, if i don’t express myself with complete freedom then i’ll end up repressed and with a lot of resentment towards myself for acting as a real coward.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Follow your heart!
Sometimes you think you are happy but then you take some time and you think, you analyze your life and you realize that even though you have a good life, of course with ups and downs like everyone else, you aren’t really happy, not really. There is a glimpse of happiness in your life but it’s not real, complete or true happiness per say.
You realize that there is something missing, you don’t know exactly what but you want to figure it out because if you know what’s missing then you can go and look for it, and then be really happy for the very first time in your life.
And you’ll recover from all those days of nothingness, you’ll find yourself not worrying about the little issues in your life because even though you have some troubles you realize that everybody has troubles but since you have found that one thing that your life was lacking then your life will be complete, you’ll smile again and there will be no need to fake it, you will really mean it.
It won’t be easy to find that but if you never try then you will never know how different life would be. It’s better to try and to fail than to give up and wonder for the rest of your life how would your life be if you had tried a bit, if you had listen to your heart which was so eagerly insisting that you needed something in order to be truly happy.
Never hesitate to follow your heart, you won't regret it and even if you end you end up doing something wrong, we always learn better from mistakes.
Pear
Box of Memories
It's amazing how can you save all those little things, some papers, maps, little bottles, underground tickets, museum tickets and of course lots and lots of pictures to remember all those beautiful moments you spent somewhere special.
At the end of the day none of those things you've saved make a difference, what's important it's what's on your head on your mind, all those moments you will never forget and you'll embrace them in your heart, all those wonderful people you meet and you miss!
Someday all those things may be lost but all the moments, the laughters, the fun you had that will never be lost, it will be safely on your head, on your heart...
Pear
At the end of the day none of those things you've saved make a difference, what's important it's what's on your head on your mind, all those moments you will never forget and you'll embrace them in your heart, all those wonderful people you meet and you miss!
Someday all those things may be lost but all the moments, the laughters, the fun you had that will never be lost, it will be safely on your head, on your heart...
Pear
Monday, August 22, 2011
It is just a phase, it will get over soon
I do hope so it is just a phase. Ok so let me tell you about the real problem over here, something has happened to me lately ever since I get back from my trip life isn't just that interesting on this side of the world, and i have become so lazy, but i mean really really lazy. I haven't been doing my homework as I suppose to, I'm not reading, I'm not practising my French, overall I have become a real mess, and not so proud to say so but also I think I'm becoming a little bit as the people I used to critize for being so god damn lazy...
Well I do hope it's just a phase and soon I'll get back on the horse and start doing things as they are suppose to, since this is not at university only but also at home, luckily for you guys, I don't think I'll ever become lazy to write stuff here so you can keep on enjoying this if that's the case, if not please leave soon LOL just joking you guys (there aren't many of you reading me anyway so I can't get all rude like that.... for now :P)
Pear
Well I do hope it's just a phase and soon I'll get back on the horse and start doing things as they are suppose to, since this is not at university only but also at home, luckily for you guys, I don't think I'll ever become lazy to write stuff here so you can keep on enjoying this if that's the case, if not please leave soon LOL just joking you guys (there aren't many of you reading me anyway so I can't get all rude like that.... for now :P)
Pear
Forgotten by Esperanza Nieto
There was a time when I used to be important to you, how lovely that time was. We used to talk all the time and you used to tell me everything that happen to you and even though we were just talking I was happy, you made me happy...
But now those days are long gone and you seem to have forgotten of my very own existence, was it something i did? was it something wrong in the way i expressed myself that you didn't like? did you find someone else to spend your time with?
I bet the answer to that last question is YES, yes and i guess she makes you happy and you love her... I guess... all I can do is guess, all I can do is imagine where you are right now...
Yes and even if I wonder what would have happened if we still spent time together it doesn't matter anymore, it's done, it's settle, it won't change...
I guess we could have been friends, but that idea didn't cross your mind...
I guess I'll continue missing you,
I guess I'll continue remembering our happy days,
I guess I'll continue dreaming about you at night,
I guess I'll continue here...
I guess you won't remember I exist...
*I was inspired so I wrote this short story, a lot of drama going on... Enjoy
But now those days are long gone and you seem to have forgotten of my very own existence, was it something i did? was it something wrong in the way i expressed myself that you didn't like? did you find someone else to spend your time with?
I bet the answer to that last question is YES, yes and i guess she makes you happy and you love her... I guess... all I can do is guess, all I can do is imagine where you are right now...
Yes and even if I wonder what would have happened if we still spent time together it doesn't matter anymore, it's done, it's settle, it won't change...
I guess we could have been friends, but that idea didn't cross your mind...
I guess I'll continue missing you,
I guess I'll continue remembering our happy days,
I guess I'll continue dreaming about you at night,
I guess I'll continue here...
I guess you won't remember I exist...
*I was inspired so I wrote this short story, a lot of drama going on... Enjoy
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Movie Review: Crazy, Stupid Love
What a great tittle, it fits perfectly to what loves turn out to be most of the times, it tends to get crazy and sometimes it is stupid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK68Y3oMEk8
This incredibly clever movie staring Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore and Emma Stone, focuses on two guys a 40-somethings guy who is sweet, cute but pretty much a loser when it comes to relationships and the hot younger guy who is an ace with the ladies and a womanizer.
One day Cal (the loser) meets Jacob (the hot guy) in a bar and what Jacob proposes to him is what will make his life to change completely, a makeover and of course he pretends to teach him all his skills to conquer women.
This is a romantic comedy with a twist of dramatic situations going on but nothing way too dramatic, it is funny, romantic, and down to earth.
And for us the ladies, we have the opportunity to watch hot hot Ryan Gosling almost completely naked, damn he did some nice work out for this film. Enjoy ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK68Y3oMEk8
This incredibly clever movie staring Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore and Emma Stone, focuses on two guys a 40-somethings guy who is sweet, cute but pretty much a loser when it comes to relationships and the hot younger guy who is an ace with the ladies and a womanizer.
One day Cal (the loser) meets Jacob (the hot guy) in a bar and what Jacob proposes to him is what will make his life to change completely, a makeover and of course he pretends to teach him all his skills to conquer women.
This is a romantic comedy with a twist of dramatic situations going on but nothing way too dramatic, it is funny, romantic, and down to earth.
And for us the ladies, we have the opportunity to watch hot hot Ryan Gosling almost completely naked, damn he did some nice work out for this film. Enjoy ;)
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Love Supreme
I'm a girl and just for that it means that i'm a romantic, romantic meaning that i'm constantly dreaming about love and all those stuff happening around it. And yes probably the reason why i'm constantly thinking about that it's because i don't have somebody to love but whatever i'm not that desperate to date the first that cross my path... I'm not corny though, well sometimes that's what people describe as being romantic but no corny sometimes is just being ridiculous about love (in my opinion anyway)
How many times have it cross your mind that no matter where have you been, no matter what you do... you just don't fit in somebody's mold of lover... sometimes you give up and all you want to do it's to be happy and you believe that having someone who loves you will make you happy, but truly that's the only thing that can make you happy.
There are others in your life who love you and who want to make you happy, not only your family but your friends, and let face it you'll have much more fun with them that with anybody else... so don't worry about not being loved and about not finding your better half, you'll find he or she whenever you're ready for it and whenever it's meant to happen, for now enjoy your life and live happily!
And yes, all of this come up for listening to Love Supreme by Robbie Williams...
Pear
How many times have it cross your mind that no matter where have you been, no matter what you do... you just don't fit in somebody's mold of lover... sometimes you give up and all you want to do it's to be happy and you believe that having someone who loves you will make you happy, but truly that's the only thing that can make you happy.
There are others in your life who love you and who want to make you happy, not only your family but your friends, and let face it you'll have much more fun with them that with anybody else... so don't worry about not being loved and about not finding your better half, you'll find he or she whenever you're ready for it and whenever it's meant to happen, for now enjoy your life and live happily!
And yes, all of this come up for listening to Love Supreme by Robbie Williams...
Pear
Friday, August 19, 2011
An awkward encounter
I love going to the movies, so I go quite often, I can't help it I'm a movie-fan, anyway it already happened to me once but i didn't pay much attention to it, but twice now that's so incredibly weird.
So there is this guy, a bit nerdy somewhat awkward but I never pay much attention to him, I didn't like him that much and the only reason I put up with him was because he was on my French class. So one time I went to the movies to see a French film "Coco", a French comedy (pretty funny, if you have the chance watch it, it's worth it). So when I was at the box office i notice he was there and I was like freaking out, one thing i forgot to mention before is that he had invited me to the movies that day and i told him i couldn't go... KARMA KARMA KARMA He end up going to the same cinema and he watched the same movie, if that wasn't enough he sat on the same row i was, he was only one sit away from me. It was so aweful, of course I pretend i didn't see him and well he did the same, my sister had the greatest laugh of her life at my expense.
If that wasn't enough the day I decide to go and watch Green Lantern with my friends, I was running a big late and while I was waiting on the queue I saw him, damn my luck, I tried to avoid him but it wasn't that easy, I have to say hi to him and everything. The only good thing about this weird encounter is that at least he didn't pick the same movie.
I don't know if there's a teaching out of all of this lol well maybe I should be nice to people I don't really like in order to prevent stuff like this to happen to me, I don't know, maybe it's just bad luck...
So there is this guy, a bit nerdy somewhat awkward but I never pay much attention to him, I didn't like him that much and the only reason I put up with him was because he was on my French class. So one time I went to the movies to see a French film "Coco", a French comedy (pretty funny, if you have the chance watch it, it's worth it). So when I was at the box office i notice he was there and I was like freaking out, one thing i forgot to mention before is that he had invited me to the movies that day and i told him i couldn't go... KARMA KARMA KARMA He end up going to the same cinema and he watched the same movie, if that wasn't enough he sat on the same row i was, he was only one sit away from me. It was so aweful, of course I pretend i didn't see him and well he did the same, my sister had the greatest laugh of her life at my expense.
If that wasn't enough the day I decide to go and watch Green Lantern with my friends, I was running a big late and while I was waiting on the queue I saw him, damn my luck, I tried to avoid him but it wasn't that easy, I have to say hi to him and everything. The only good thing about this weird encounter is that at least he didn't pick the same movie.
I don't know if there's a teaching out of all of this lol well maybe I should be nice to people I don't really like in order to prevent stuff like this to happen to me, I don't know, maybe it's just bad luck...
Newie to blogspot!
I have always interesting things to say or so it seems to be to me, either way i think it was about time to start a blog, somehow twitter, facebook, wayn, tumblr aren't enough...
Well those are social networks so it's not the same! I'll promise to try to keep you updated with whatever happens in my life just in case you're interested on it...
But that's not all, I love football, music, movies so I guess my posts will be mostly around those topics or whatever philosophical stuff I feel like writing about.
And sometimes there will be only my thoughts some may seem a bit depressing but c'mon whose not depressed these days, and sometimes i'll tell you some made up story since i like to write maybe a funny story or a bloody one, or something messed up like a psychological thriller... let's see what comes up!
So I hope that you read it, so sit back and enjoy!
Pear
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