Your departure

I imagined a life-time with you
You always stayed...
On my mind you never left...
You never back me down

But everything is always different in reality
And now, all that is left are the memories
But if it was all a dream...,
Could all this thinking-about-the-past thing be called memories?

I wonder how things would have been...
But then, it is all in my head
I needed the tenderness, I needed the warmness of your heart
But you resisted to give anything away

It is hard for me to understand
I thought you cared about me
I thought you cherished me
I guess... I misunderstood the way you stand

The dreams have quickly faded away
I know there is no possibility, it is the end
But I know that I can't just throw my memories away
You have a special place in my heart, my friend

I will remember the good times, 

All the things that I've learnt 

Every good laugh and sweet smile 

I would cherish them in my heart... 

But the time has come to move on 

And to look for happiness within a new dream 

It may seem hopeless to carry on 

Yet, it is worth it to have a dream once more...

Wishful Thinking

Don't know what to write
My sheet is in blank
Don't know what to say
I shouldn't open my mouth
And what else to do but to go away

But my head is working hard
And a ton of thoughts are passing by
Interesting ones I dare to say
Uh-oh but I just said I wasn't going to speak again
hmmm....How to say it then?
How to convert this thoughts into useful words?

A difficult question that is
No accurate reply comes to my mind...
And so I find myself lying in bed,
Thinking,
Smiling,
Listening to the wind,
Talking and laughing to the nothingness and myself...

O! Sweet thoughts!
If only you could come true...
A dream as sweet as this is not near to be found
So I wonder...
Could it possibly...?
No, no, I shouldn't think about that
But what if....?
No, no, I shouldn't think about that

Wouldn't it be sweet to fulfil this reverie
And,
And,
And,
To see it when I'm not away in the dream
To feel it without my eyes closed...
What a wonderful life that would be
To live within a dream!

Expectations vs Reality

I'm on holidays as everybody else, and without all the amount of duties that being at university implies well I've been having free time, free time to be bored out, free time to hang out, to watch movies, to watch tv series, but especially free time to think. 

I'm a girl so we already do a lot of thinking, as a woman I get to worry about stuff men cannot notice because it's not on their programming, that's why guys are more laid back and relax, right now I wished I wish I could be more relaxed and laid back, it's holidays after all, but no I find myself on my resting days worrying about all the stuff I shouldn't be worry about... the future. 

Yes, the future, my future in particular, it's not like I don't worry about our world and what's going on in it, but I've been worried about my future lately, about what will happen in a few years when I became a graduate student, not only about what I am going to do with my life but also where I will I be living. I've always dream about living elsewhere, a place far away from home, a place where I'll be challenged to fit it, to make new friends, to find a house/department where to live, even to find someone to love, I dare to say. But I'm afraid that my dream might just have to wait a bit more than I've expected, all good things happen to those who waits, right? 

I don't know I'll do my best for accomplish my dreams as soon as possible, but sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just have a hunch that some of those dreams won't come true, and how can you possibly be sure about it? Since you're the main character on your story you can tell by experience what events are more likely to happen and what events are more likely to stay as dreams and nothing more.

All of that sounds a bit cruel and perhaps not encouraging. But with all of what's being said I'm not telling you that you shouldn't follow your dreams, all that I'm saying is that perhaps you need to analyse, to think thoroughly and  if something sounds a bit too wild or a bit too impossible to reconsider that option, maybe change that idea a bit in order to fulfil that dream because after all there is a big difference between expectations and reality, always follow your heart, always believe in yourself, never give up, keep on fighting and you shall accomplish all that you've been dreaming for. 

I believe that the best advice I can give you is: don't let your thoughts ruin your holidays, maybe it's time to let go of the past and to move on, to expect new things and not to be afraid of the new things that may come with the new year is about to start. Life is full of surprises after all, you never know what it may bring. 

Sweet Dreams

Isn't it lovely when you can feel your heart filled with love? That amazing feeling you have when walking hand-in-hand with the man of your dreams. Yes it is wonderful, that smile all over your face, the one everybody can notice, you are in loved and for that brief moment it feels so real, so authentic, so unique, you feel like you're flying, suddenly everything seems to have the perfect colour, the perfect light within, it's almost as if you can hear a happy/romantic song as a background... wait a minute, you can actually hear a song as a background, what's going on? Guess what you where with the man of your dreams because you were actually DREAMING.

And it sucks when you wake up and realize that life is still boring and ordinary as always, yes you don't have the love of your life next to you in bed when you wake up, and it does sucks that you go to school or to work and on the way everybody seems to have found love in their lives, yes everybody BUT YOU. 

But hey, it's no moment to feel blue if you see the bright side of things well you are single without worries of a relationship and yet you are still alive, otherwise how will you have such a dream like the one you have last nigh,  it's better to dream than to be so hollow and emotionless, besides do you know why are you dreaming about it over and over again? Simply because you have HOPE, yes you will find the love of your life sooner or later but in the mean time you have to keep yourself busy, with what? with LIVING. All the things you do from now on will define you, all those experiences will fill all the other empty spaces in your heart and in your mind. It's time to make mistakes, to travel, to get drunk, to kiss a guy without knowing his name, you may be wondering why would i do all of those? well it's just FUN. You need to have fun in order to enjoy your life, happiness doesn't mean having someone to love only but loving yourself. And what a best way to prove this to yourself than to give yourself a treat in LIFE.  

Don't be afraid and just live. You should accomplish that dream too.

Wondering about my life...

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

I'm getting older and I need something to rely on...

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin...

YES, those above are some lines of Somewhere only we know by Keane. Why did I chose those particular three? First of all because I can relate to what's stated there, secondly because that's the way I've been feeling lately, and third well because those three lines really caught my attention, of all the others in the song well those three are the ones I can actually identify the most.

I'm 22 and believe it or not I do think that I'm getting older and yes that I need something to rely on, but someway or another I don't seem to find someone to fill that special place in my life, in my heart. I've tried but all of those (by the way they haven't been many) well, they didn't like me not in the way that I like them (I could say of some of them that it was love, yes it is a big word but that's they way I felt) and even though they aren't part of my life any more well they will always be there, in my heart, occupying a nice spot there. And I don't mind that because they meant a lot to me, but whenever those memories come back to me well it's just devastating, it's the remembrance of one more failure in love. I've never succeeded on that area, and I have always wondered WHY?, that doesn't seem to be a good idea I always end up in further sorrow and the question remains without an answer.

The other thing is that I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin, let's break up that line, I'm getting tired, yes tired of waiting for someone to like me, for someone that I like actually do feel the same way about me, but that seems hopeless since it has never happened to me. No one will wait forever, so where will that leave me, settling with someone who I may not love but who apparently seems to appreciate me, that wouldn't be fair for both of us. The other thing is that, I may have realise that nobody will ever appreciate me like that and that I should already know that I will end up alone, for the rest of my life. The sooner you start accepting the idea the easier will be, that's what most people say when they are trying to give you an advice about your job or something like that, but should I take that cold advice and start making up my mind that I'll never have somebody to hold me close when things get difficult or when having a really bad time, should I? I don't believe that's the right thing to do, but then if I don't do anything to change what's going on in my life, nothing will ever happens, right? Somehow I don't manage to find a way to actually change things, maybe I should just keep on waiting. Maybe I shouldn't think about these things that much...

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? Why this question? Well maybe because I live in dreams, it's a lot easier than reality. I just hope that one day I can ask myself this and answer it with all the certainty in the world, that yes I've finally get to the place I have always been dreaming of, and this place doesn't have to be a location, a city or a physical place but the place in my heart, in my life, that place that I have been dreaming for so long and that I have finally arrived there.

Hopefully in the future I will be able to write in this blog about happy things, hopefully I will have a life and won't be able to write in it :P  Just kiddin' there's always time to write, to dream, to live.

Ageing

Why is it that we think so much about getting older?

Why are we so concerned about that?

Why is it so important?

Why do we have to worry about it at all?

Is it something that happens to those within a certain age range?

If so…Why?

I’m 22 I’m not old, I’m a young woman ready to have new experiences… am I? Of course I am and I can’t wait to have new experiences day by day, but what I really want to do it’s go some place far from home, some place so strange, some place with an interesting culture, some place beautiful that fills me up with life by being there.

O! yes I have dreams like these everyday and I like to day-dream and to imagine myself over there so happy and so filled with life.

I’m sure one day it’ll happen so I’m just eager for all the wonderful things I’ll find on my way, in the mean time I’ll enjoy my life, my friends and who knows what life will bring you, I’m always open to that. 

Pear