Everybody's gotta learn sometimes

Always wanting what I can have... Will I ever learn?  Apparently I've come to this world to live in pain and to die with great sorrow, how incredibly ridiculous would it be that someday I could actually be happy, but no that's not for me.
And yet, I'm so stubborn that I can't manage to fix that idea into my mind, I'm always waiting for something  miraculous to happen to me, but of course that's so silly, miracles DON'T exist, not in my world.

There are many things I have yet to learn but I like to live in a fantasy world and refuse to accept all those ideas, I refuse to accept reality. And that's how you end up being even more miserable, because you are waiting for something magnificent event to occur and change your life completely. I should wake up and realize that it will never happen, and even though everybody seems to agree about not being the right time for things to come my way, I know the truth, I know I'll end up alone and unhappy, but basically ALONE.

Apparently nobody notices me and not only that, nobody likes me, nobody feels aroused by my presence, nobody will ever love me, and I guess that's the way life works, some people get many lovers, many relationships and others, like me, get nothing, no love, not a single proof of affection, not even a proof of sympathy.

I'm sure that Destiny is having a blast right now, with my suffering, with my misery... Well I have nothing else to do, I don't want to be here for much longer, not like this. I need to be free and just to make this pain go away. I sound pretty brave and bold, but will I do it? Will I end with my life? I'd like to, I mean I don't see the purpose of staying alive, the purpose of living... But I won't I'm much of a coward to do something like that, I'd never be able to. So I'll just keep on suffering and suffering and suffering and suffering and suffering and...

Je vais bien, ne t'en fais pas! (I'm alright, don't worry)

This is a French expression but also it's the title of a French film, a sort of depressing one which I love (probably because I'm a depressive girl too, and also because I understand exactly and can relate to what's going on with the girl). Anyway, I haven't been feeling that depressed since a while ago, but it has just came back... Why? 

Well that's what happens to me, maybe because I'm not happy, maybe because I want things I'll never have but I'm so stubborn and much of a dreamer to give up and set my mind to it, I'm too much of a dreamer to accept reality, even when being a dreamer it hurts so much, even much than being realistic (because at least when you have accepted reality, you know what to expect and you're not waiting for something great to happen to you, something you know it's impossible in your world).

I don't know what to do to change the way that I feel, sometimes I feel better for a while but it doesn't last long enough, but well what I can do now it's write about it, that's why I share this lines with you, thanks for all of those who read it.

If you've got the chance watch the movie, but if you are in the same depressive mood as I am, maybe you should think about the feelings this movie might awake in your soul (you have been warned).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0FLwIp8FLo  

I leave with you the trailer in case you feel curious about the film.