Living by Words

Isn't it strange how words turn into unforgettable phrases
How sentences manage to denote love, hate, despair...
And the moment words turn themselves into a fluent speech
A speech, seeking to convince and inspire...

There is one question brought back together by words
Which is formed by four magical and meaningful words 
THE question most women wish to hear at least once 
Because it will bring hope and long forgotten dreams back to life 


But there are other sort of words, another kind
Those vicious words we wish we could forget
Words that scare our hearts away
Words that keep us apart without turning back

Someone's life may depend on the right words
Everybody's desires are expressed by words
And so, we find ourselves under a spell performed by words
But the brilliance of our minds allows us to dream on other worlds

Sometimes we care too much on choosing the perfect words
We seek to express our own intentions
While we look for the right directions
An obsessive act dominates and so we don't say the words

We willingly chose to remain silent
And by being too careful, too fearful we forget to express
By doing so we miss out that defining, magical moment
When we freely get to say what we want without distress

Time

You move slowly as time passes by
And it is only then when you learn to take a look of the world,
It is then when you appreciate all the wonderful things that surround you,
You find yourself marvelled by all the beauties in out there
You love, you care, you enjoy life

Understanding makes its way into your life
And so you open up your eyes wide,
And you give out your heart
That is how you dedicate your life
That is how you truly love life

Time keeps on passing by and somehow it moves fast
You run towards the experiences you hope to have
But you stand still when you feel nature inside of your heart
And those moments you will treasure
Your soul will keep all of those memories alive

Time seems to be running out
And many projects remain undone
They float in the wind as dreams float at night
Waiting for someone...
Someone willing to fulfil, someone with more time


Both time is a tricky master of your faith
And that is what makes life so surprising, unexpected and wonderful
And all the love you have gained,

And all the friends you have made,
And all the wonders you have encountered,
All of those mesmerizing moments, people, adventures
Those will be always in your path
Those will never run out

Going Back

A mixture of sensations,
an infinite number of emotions,
endless rainbows pass before my eyes,
symphonies of sounds fill up my ears,
everything is so close and yet untouchable...

Flavours I have never tasted before,
shapes I have never seen,
textures I have never touched,
people and places I have never encountered before,
everything seems so familiar and yet unknown...

All sorts of sounds and waves surrounding the Earth,
I swam deep into the ocean watching and floating,
I encounter creatures I have only imagined,
magnificent and remarkable,
superb and unimaginable,
and we managed to emerged together from the waters,
everything seems so wonderful and fantastic...

I found myself so far away from my place,
from where I am supposed to be,
from where I am supposed to belong...
I began to feel so comfortable and to forget all about my past life,
somehow I fit perfectly in this world,
somehow this is the place,
the place I was waiting for,
the place where I would feel myself,
the place where I was meant to be born

Back to the base of the world
back to the roots of my very own self
back to the beginning of life.

Obscure

Every thing is dark 

It doesn't matter where you look 

The light doesn't seem to reach you 

In the shadows you remain 

Blind, rejected and excluded

From the world that has condemn you 

Nobody misses you 

Nobody remembers you

Nothing last

Nothing remains, 

Not even a single memory on your behalf 

Every thing was just a game, 

A lie, 

A lie which managed to poison your soul

And so your existence becomes meaningless

Your life seems rather pointless

Sorrow and a broken heart are all that is left

Lonesome and forgotten you've became

At the end, suffering was the only goal to pursuit 

at it you did a magnificent work 

But you all should know that you've got some help 

and such credit must be given to you know who

The brightest part of whom you've once been

has managed to fade away 

and so have you 

there might be hope for those who look for you

but they should know,

that only in obscurity you shall be found

Expectations vs Reality

I'm on holidays as everybody else, and without all the amount of duties that being at university implies well I've been having free time, free time to be bored out, free time to hang out, to watch movies, to watch tv series, but especially free time to think. 

I'm a girl so we already do a lot of thinking, as a woman I get to worry about stuff men cannot notice because it's not on their programming, that's why guys are more laid back and relax, right now I wished I wish I could be more relaxed and laid back, it's holidays after all, but no I find myself on my resting days worrying about all the stuff I shouldn't be worry about... the future. 

Yes, the future, my future in particular, it's not like I don't worry about our world and what's going on in it, but I've been worried about my future lately, about what will happen in a few years when I became a graduate student, not only about what I am going to do with my life but also where I will I be living. I've always dream about living elsewhere, a place far away from home, a place where I'll be challenged to fit it, to make new friends, to find a house/department where to live, even to find someone to love, I dare to say. But I'm afraid that my dream might just have to wait a bit more than I've expected, all good things happen to those who waits, right? 

I don't know I'll do my best for accomplish my dreams as soon as possible, but sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just have a hunch that some of those dreams won't come true, and how can you possibly be sure about it? Since you're the main character on your story you can tell by experience what events are more likely to happen and what events are more likely to stay as dreams and nothing more.

All of that sounds a bit cruel and perhaps not encouraging. But with all of what's being said I'm not telling you that you shouldn't follow your dreams, all that I'm saying is that perhaps you need to analyse, to think thoroughly and  if something sounds a bit too wild or a bit too impossible to reconsider that option, maybe change that idea a bit in order to fulfil that dream because after all there is a big difference between expectations and reality, always follow your heart, always believe in yourself, never give up, keep on fighting and you shall accomplish all that you've been dreaming for. 

I believe that the best advice I can give you is: don't let your thoughts ruin your holidays, maybe it's time to let go of the past and to move on, to expect new things and not to be afraid of the new things that may come with the new year is about to start. Life is full of surprises after all, you never know what it may bring. 

An easy escape

Have you ever feel that everything surrounding you feels funny? For some strange reason none of your clothes fit, that fashion doesn't seem to suit your life, your shoes are too big or too small. You are so tired, and all you want to do is lie in bed and forget about the world but there is something wrong with your bed, it feels weird as if it were somebody else's bed. You try to over look all of these series of strange events during the day but as days go by you began to wonder, to doubt.

You watch out, you stare, you walk slowly for what reason? Well, that's rather simple you're on a quest, yes a quest, a quest which will determine where are you and what are you doing, a quest which will define you..

You began to feel a bit paranoid and people looks at you in a strange manner, as if you were crazy as if you didn't know what to do next. 

You cannot sleep, you cannot dream and you will not close your eyes until you find out the truth. Somehow the zombie-like appearance that you have now made your own scares people, they freak out and it is unavoidable for them to stare at you, in that way somebody stares at a death body lying on the middle of the street, the blood calls you, that lifeless and miserable corpse calls your name and you cannot help but to answer that calling, you stay there and suddenly without anticipation, corpse and body became one, all the sadness which the corpse embodies is now carried by the body. 

And that's exactly the way you look now a sad, lifeless walking body, a human without hopes nor fears, a man in search of himself, in a quest for the truth that will never come. When you decide to make that quest you accept the fact that you have lost your soul, the essence of your being, but you didn't bother to get it back in stead you got obsessed by an idea, the idea that you were living somebody else's life, the idea that someone had taken you to that place, that place that looked so unfamiliar to you, that place that you hated and that you couldn't recognize. 

Of course it would have been hard to recognize the place where you spend most of your day on, once you have lose yourself it turns out impossible to recognize anything else in your life, if it is hard to recognize yourself imagine then, how hard is it to recognize all the things surrounding you, it is not possible. 

And so you have spent valuable time and energy on that particular quest, that pointless quest. You already knew what the truth was but you chose to ignore it and now you are a stranger in your own life, you feel like if someone else had took over and invaded your thoughts, but it was you who let all the misery and decay in this world to become the rulers in your life, there is no escape except that which the mind so easily provides and with which you decide to poison your soul, your thoughts, your instincts.

Forgotten you will be like all those who drank of that nourishing poison which tortures one's existence...

Sweet Dreams

Isn't it lovely when you can feel your heart filled with love? That amazing feeling you have when walking hand-in-hand with the man of your dreams. Yes it is wonderful, that smile all over your face, the one everybody can notice, you are in loved and for that brief moment it feels so real, so authentic, so unique, you feel like you're flying, suddenly everything seems to have the perfect colour, the perfect light within, it's almost as if you can hear a happy/romantic song as a background... wait a minute, you can actually hear a song as a background, what's going on? Guess what you where with the man of your dreams because you were actually DREAMING.

And it sucks when you wake up and realize that life is still boring and ordinary as always, yes you don't have the love of your life next to you in bed when you wake up, and it does sucks that you go to school or to work and on the way everybody seems to have found love in their lives, yes everybody BUT YOU. 

But hey, it's no moment to feel blue if you see the bright side of things well you are single without worries of a relationship and yet you are still alive, otherwise how will you have such a dream like the one you have last nigh,  it's better to dream than to be so hollow and emotionless, besides do you know why are you dreaming about it over and over again? Simply because you have HOPE, yes you will find the love of your life sooner or later but in the mean time you have to keep yourself busy, with what? with LIVING. All the things you do from now on will define you, all those experiences will fill all the other empty spaces in your heart and in your mind. It's time to make mistakes, to travel, to get drunk, to kiss a guy without knowing his name, you may be wondering why would i do all of those? well it's just FUN. You need to have fun in order to enjoy your life, happiness doesn't mean having someone to love only but loving yourself. And what a best way to prove this to yourself than to give yourself a treat in LIFE.  

Don't be afraid and just live. You should accomplish that dream too.

Choices

Life is way too complicated, but you all know that. I am nobody's life is perfect, right? Ok, so I've been thinking about my own issues and how is it that in spite of all the effort I ever do to make things right some times it never seems to work out.

But this time I haven't been making my best to solve things and I think that's bad, I need to have some sort of closure because only with it I'll be able to move on.
Yes, some times all we need to do it's that we constantly avoid. It may seem awkward or perhaps you don't want to do it because you're scared of whatever happen next. And you like it or not, you will influence the result, that last result you have been avoiding, but you need to do it.

Why?

Well because it's insane, you're suffering so very much and you have to stop, you can't keep on living in sadness for ever.

Even when you know it might hurt, you have to try... it's better to know for once and for all than to be waiting and hoping for something to happen... what if nothing ever changes? then what? will you wait for ever? It doesn't make much sense, does it?

So this time I'll listen to my own voice, my own advice... enough time has passed by so far and I need to know, I already did this one time before with another person and yes things didn't end up well but at least I could get over him, it's what i needed the most.

I won't be afraid,  it's as a good friend told me: You have nothing to lose, and she's right, I have nothing to lose but what I can gain could be amazing, even if things don't end well, still I can win, I'll have some peace of mind.
I'll try and hopefully next time you will know if things end up nicely or not :D
Keep your fingers crossed for me ;)

At the bridge

Every single day she crossed the bridge to go home, it was the long way home but she didn't mind walking a little bit more, she loved that bridge, it brings peace to her soul. In that bridge she can admire the beauty of the city, all the city lights, the marvellous buildings, the tall trees, she could think in that bridge but only good things. 

It took her a while to cross it because she always stopped to look below, to hear the water flow, O! That glorious river which awake her soul, the sound of the water made her feel at peace and it made her believe in possibilities, that dreams were possible if you try longer. And so night after night she filled her heart with hopes of a better world, of a better life. 

When she gets home she sees her boyfriend exhausted for the day and they barely even talk, they make love, more like a habit rather than for the passion of it, and when he finishes he turns out the light and she tries to sleep, her boyfriend having been physically satisfied falls asleep like a baby but her she has some trouble to sleep and so she starts thinking about her life, but not with the calm that the bridge provides her, she’s upset with her life, with her relationship, at the end she sleeps tired from the day. In the morning, a kiss wakes her up, suddenly her boyfriend is acting like a loving partner. She turns over to find him and kiss him just to find out why he’s acting in such manner, she feels his erection. That’s why she said to herself, he begins to rub her breasts. She doesn't want to have sex with him, she’s not in the mood so she pushes his hands away and turn over to sleep for while longer, he insists as every man would, she pushed him again, so he leans towards her and whisper in her ear : What’s wrong darling? Don’t you love me? It'll be fun. She’s thinking a lot of things and wondering how exactly he hasn't notice her mood lately and how could he think that she enjoyed last night. But she thinks to herself that it might do some good to her, so she kisses him and grabs his penis, it’s hard and erected, did she do that? And suddenly she begins to feel better about herself because she can make her boyfriend excited. And so they had sex in a very different manner, much more passionate and meaningful. 

They both say goodbye and go to work, on the way she found herself very happy and a bit changed from the rest of the days, and she had a great day at work. At the end of the day, it was time to go back home and she decided to skip her walk on the bridge, she wanted to go home soon to be with her guy. When she arrived home she found her guy with another woman, she was devastated, how could this happen to her? 

Everything seemed to be perfect this morning. He was quite surprised that she was home early. It turns out that every day she crossed the bridge it took her about an hour, a perfect time for him to have an affair with another woman. 

She went to the room and began to pack, it was his flat after all, she called her best friend and stayed with her for a couple of weeks, during that time she went to work regularly, she was lost, how could she ever thought that she was happy? How didn't she notice his cheating on her? It was pointless to keep on thinking about that. 

Two weeks have passed since the incident and it was Sunday, she decided she wanted to spend some time by herself, she went shopping and to museums, she saw her beloved bridge which she haven’t crossed for so long, she decided to cross it, it was windy her hair moved beautifully along with the wind, suddenly she saw her ex-boyfriend’s brother, he waved at her, he keep on walking she stayed on the middle of the bridge, she dropped her bags and stand on the edge, she was quite certain about what she should do next and so she did it, she jumped, it was quite high and she didn't know how to swim. 

The free-fall felt amazing, she was happy for that brief moment, she knew that she didn’t jumped over him, it was because she needed to do it. She hit the water, it was cold and she could feel how the water filled her lungs, she didn't care she was at peace once again. Suddenly she heard someone screamed. 

Fifteen minutes passed by and she found herself out of the river throwing the water out of her lungs, she was 

breathing. She opened up her eyes and there standing nearby and soaking wet was him, he the one who 

cheated on her so easily. 

The first thing that come to her mind was: Who did he think he is to be acting in such heroic manner? Why? Why now? I'm not going to forgive him just because he saved my life, no no no, I must be strong whenever he approaches me. It doesn't matter if he jumped 20 feet out of a bridge just to save me, either way he never crossed that bridge before, why now? 

A few minutes went by and she was alright according to the paramedics, she just needed a rest, he approached her in the way she knew she will, he seemed defeated and repented. He looked at her just as he 

did the very first time he saw her, and she noticed some love in his eyes, he kissed her forehead and drop a little kiss in her nose. Perhaps time will tell whether he has changed or not, either way she was positive, if she 

was saved was for a reason, she was going to make the best out of her life, as to her ex-boyfriend, in time 

and with some insistence on his side they became really good friends.

Now she goes to the bridge, that place where her life changed so drastically, she goes there not only to think 

but to be reminded why and how she happens to be alive.

I like London in the rain!

I'm a girl who enjoys sunny days, sunny and hot, yes I love warm weather, hot weather and seeing the sun shining above my head just make me happy, to be honest I don't cope quite well with cold, rainy or windy weather.

I was a little bit nervous about going to London I didn't wanted that my likes and dislikes about the weather influenced my idea about the city. And well it turns out that I loved London, and yes it rained and yes it was a bit cold, but it also had it moments with the sun and with a bit of hotness around.

I didn't expected that to happen, of course I didn't spend that much time in London, but the days I was there were fantastic and I enjoyed getting wet, I didn't mind walking through the city streets in the rain, this was a big deal for me because of what I said previously about me and the weather, but it was awesome.

Honestly, London wouldn't be the same without rain. London is so big and so cool, and for a non-native English speaker like me it was awesome to go there, of course the fact that I love the English language, culture, music, history, etc., had a lot to do with it (I might even like English better than Spanish-my mother tongue but that's a different story).

Moving around through the London Underground System was a completely cool experience, it's completely worth it, you get to travel through a clean tube and I like the tiles on the underground walls hehe, you get to see people from very different ethnic origins, it's true when they said that London is the biggest multicultural city in the world, that's pretty interesting, specially if you come from a small city where the variety of people doesn't really varies. That was pretty interesting you could heard people speaking in Portuguese, French, Hindi, Hebrew, of course English but that mixture of languages all over the place was music to my ears.

London is definitely the place to visit! And I haven't even talked about the place per say but I don't want to blow up the experience, it's better to discover the place by yourself, getting lost, don't know where to go, getting wet, asking for directions, end up on the wrong stop, that's all part of the experience and to be honest that makes life much more exciting, those are all learning experiences, funny anecdotes and good times.

LIFE and Concepts so hardly stick in our minds

Why is it that we find so easy to judge someone? Why?... Answering this question turns out to be quite difficult, maybe it's something I don't want to admit, do I believe I'm better than the rest? Am I that egocentric and shallow? I don't believe those words truly mark my character. Why then it's so hard to answer to that question? Is there really an answer? Maybe there is one but since it's so hard to accept maybe we decide to skip that... I believe that it's because we don't want to look our reflection in the mirror and notice all our flaws, and so we decide to focus on the rest, we detect them and point at them as if they were the most horrible thing on Earth (yes, this is one girl's opinion, you may differ about the answer to that question and you're in your right to do so, we all think differently).

Due to all that previous argument I have come to ask myself the very own significance of awkwardness and weird, yes two concepts apparently so easy to comprehend, and yet I don't feel like looking up the definition on a dictionary, that's not what I care about. I don't want that my perception of those concepts to be influenced by what a dictionary says and definitely not about what society has imposed as awkward or weird.

But they are already under that imposition, if they weren't probably they wouldn't exist in my head. My perception of awkward and weird has been previously set by society itself. Then this derived to a new question, don't I have a mind of my own? All our very thoughts have been polluted by the influence not only of society but also about our own cultures and the history of our own countries.

Is my mind already set to believe all the things they want us to believe? I'm starting to feel like if I was a robot or as if I was in one of those science-fiction film when the main character is starting to realize where he is and what's his reality... I hope for my own sake that this is not the case.

Have we all been brain washed by society, by our own rulers just to do whatever they have in mind for us to do? Ok, this has turn out a bit dramatic, right? Well I refuse to believe that I haven't been thinking by myself all this time, that I have been thinking what others wanted me to think, that someone has inserted all those thoughts on my mind. No, of course it cannot be, if it were to be like that I wouldn't be writing this right now, that's why my main point is that we should start forgetting about all those concepts that society in a certain manner has put in our heads, we are free to decide what's weird and awkward and why classify people like that? We are all humans after all, there is no need to behave in such a discriminatory way.

Ok, even though all my arguments seem pretty convincing I still can't help the fact that I feel so uncomfortable whenever I'm with someone who's different from the rest... (And I feel so bad about it, now that I have analysed this thoroughly) And I'm not saying that I'm going to be Miss Best Friend to Everybody because it's not the point, I'm not that nice LOL no one can't be that nice.

Could it be that I'm pre-set to feel uncomfortable with those who are different from the rest? Am I scared? I don't know for sure, maybe it's a combination of both and many other things I can't really perceive quite so easily.

Now I just feel sad and I do regret all those times I treated someone differently just because they were so different to me, and it's not fair to do that. Sometimes I have felt rejected, neglected, and/or ignored and it's not nice at all, I don't know if I have been considered weird or awkward to be around, so why having this attitude towards others? I don't see the point, it's time to change, it's time to be a better person.

It is just a phase, it will get over soon

I do hope so it is just a phase. Ok so let me tell you about the real problem over here, something has happened to me lately ever since I get back from my trip life isn't just that interesting on this side of the world, and i have become so lazy, but i mean really really lazy. I haven't been doing my homework as I suppose to, I'm not reading, I'm not practising my French, overall I have become a real mess, and not so proud to say so but also I think I'm becoming a little bit as the people I used to critize for being so god damn lazy...

Well I do hope it's just a phase and soon I'll get back on the horse and start doing things as they are suppose to, since this is not at university only but also at home, luckily for you guys, I don't think I'll ever become lazy to write stuff here so you can keep on enjoying this if that's the case, if not please leave soon LOL just joking you guys (there aren't many of you reading me anyway so I can't get all rude like that.... for now :P)

Pear