It's ridiculous but it's real

If only life was easy and we were able to decide what to feel and when to feel it... If only, yes life is full with if only premises and what they leave us, nothing but sorrow and broken hearts.

And then I start to dream an entire life of fantasy with you, about how great would it be to be with you, even though it will never happen and by doing so I just hurt myself even more, I end up broken and hopeless. The worst part is that I know it will never happen but still I manage to fool myself and my mind, I start to dream, to believe... and later on all ends in tears.

And then when you analyse the whole situation you realize how crazy it was, how ridiculous, how could you even think that you had a chance, it was impossible and still you insisted on it, yes it was ridiculous but it was real, all that you felt it was real and so it is your suffering at the moment. And you realize that you have to stop blaming yourself, it wasn't your fault, you didn't want that to happen, you didn't decide what to feel and for whom, it was your stupid and foolish heart who drag you into this situation. And now every time you remember his face, his name, every time you see something that remind you of him it all comes back, all the suffering, all your stupid day-dreaming and it's in your head all over again, and you wonder why can't you forget him, WHY LORD, WHY?

Do I have an answer to that? NO, I don't think anyone does have an answer to that. It's a mystery. One of the many mysteries in this life.

But you know if we relax and let things flow they way they are meant to, maybe it will get easier. There will always be one sad (or tons) of stories where you end up with your heart broken, and the sad part is that nothing that serious even happen, but all relationships are complicated and so are human beings so things won't get easier hahaha, sorry now that was sarcastic and a bit cruel! If I don't laugh about my own pathetic little life then who will, I must try to make the best out of it. We'll see what happen and if things don't change soon then you now where to find me, just walk straight to the path of sorrow, turn left to sadness' street and on the corner you will find the heart broken tavern, yes I'll drink up all my problems. See you there, eventually you will be there :P

At the bridge

Every single day she crossed the bridge to go home, it was the long way home but she didn't mind walking a little bit more, she loved that bridge, it brings peace to her soul. In that bridge she can admire the beauty of the city, all the city lights, the marvellous buildings, the tall trees, she could think in that bridge but only good things. 

It took her a while to cross it because she always stopped to look below, to hear the water flow, O! That glorious river which awake her soul, the sound of the water made her feel at peace and it made her believe in possibilities, that dreams were possible if you try longer. And so night after night she filled her heart with hopes of a better world, of a better life. 

When she gets home she sees her boyfriend exhausted for the day and they barely even talk, they make love, more like a habit rather than for the passion of it, and when he finishes he turns out the light and she tries to sleep, her boyfriend having been physically satisfied falls asleep like a baby but her she has some trouble to sleep and so she starts thinking about her life, but not with the calm that the bridge provides her, she’s upset with her life, with her relationship, at the end she sleeps tired from the day. In the morning, a kiss wakes her up, suddenly her boyfriend is acting like a loving partner. She turns over to find him and kiss him just to find out why he’s acting in such manner, she feels his erection. That’s why she said to herself, he begins to rub her breasts. She doesn't want to have sex with him, she’s not in the mood so she pushes his hands away and turn over to sleep for while longer, he insists as every man would, she pushed him again, so he leans towards her and whisper in her ear : What’s wrong darling? Don’t you love me? It'll be fun. She’s thinking a lot of things and wondering how exactly he hasn't notice her mood lately and how could he think that she enjoyed last night. But she thinks to herself that it might do some good to her, so she kisses him and grabs his penis, it’s hard and erected, did she do that? And suddenly she begins to feel better about herself because she can make her boyfriend excited. And so they had sex in a very different manner, much more passionate and meaningful. 

They both say goodbye and go to work, on the way she found herself very happy and a bit changed from the rest of the days, and she had a great day at work. At the end of the day, it was time to go back home and she decided to skip her walk on the bridge, she wanted to go home soon to be with her guy. When she arrived home she found her guy with another woman, she was devastated, how could this happen to her? 

Everything seemed to be perfect this morning. He was quite surprised that she was home early. It turns out that every day she crossed the bridge it took her about an hour, a perfect time for him to have an affair with another woman. 

She went to the room and began to pack, it was his flat after all, she called her best friend and stayed with her for a couple of weeks, during that time she went to work regularly, she was lost, how could she ever thought that she was happy? How didn't she notice his cheating on her? It was pointless to keep on thinking about that. 

Two weeks have passed since the incident and it was Sunday, she decided she wanted to spend some time by herself, she went shopping and to museums, she saw her beloved bridge which she haven’t crossed for so long, she decided to cross it, it was windy her hair moved beautifully along with the wind, suddenly she saw her ex-boyfriend’s brother, he waved at her, he keep on walking she stayed on the middle of the bridge, she dropped her bags and stand on the edge, she was quite certain about what she should do next and so she did it, she jumped, it was quite high and she didn't know how to swim. 

The free-fall felt amazing, she was happy for that brief moment, she knew that she didn’t jumped over him, it was because she needed to do it. She hit the water, it was cold and she could feel how the water filled her lungs, she didn't care she was at peace once again. Suddenly she heard someone screamed. 

Fifteen minutes passed by and she found herself out of the river throwing the water out of her lungs, she was 

breathing. She opened up her eyes and there standing nearby and soaking wet was him, he the one who 

cheated on her so easily. 

The first thing that come to her mind was: Who did he think he is to be acting in such heroic manner? Why? Why now? I'm not going to forgive him just because he saved my life, no no no, I must be strong whenever he approaches me. It doesn't matter if he jumped 20 feet out of a bridge just to save me, either way he never crossed that bridge before, why now? 

A few minutes went by and she was alright according to the paramedics, she just needed a rest, he approached her in the way she knew she will, he seemed defeated and repented. He looked at her just as he 

did the very first time he saw her, and she noticed some love in his eyes, he kissed her forehead and drop a little kiss in her nose. Perhaps time will tell whether he has changed or not, either way she was positive, if she 

was saved was for a reason, she was going to make the best out of her life, as to her ex-boyfriend, in time 

and with some insistence on his side they became really good friends.

Now she goes to the bridge, that place where her life changed so drastically, she goes there not only to think 

but to be reminded why and how she happens to be alive.