In the depths of a bright blue ocean

One step towards the end 

And your feet began to hurt 

The pain was so great 

But you had to keep going further

And so you keep on walking

Through the arid desert of nothingness

You take off your shoes

And you are barefoot on the burning sand 

Your feet cracked and became hard as rock 

Or at least that is what you felt

The pain was too great that you no longer perceived it 

And a trail of blood lied behind you

You looked back and noticed the blood

You smiled, and continued walking 

Though you were not sure why you smiled 

Or why would a trail of blood bring a spark of happiness to your heart?

The only possible answer was that you've left your trace in the world

Whether some one ever sees it or not

You were content with leaving a bit of yourself in this world 

At least that was done 

And so you took a deep breath and lied down on the burning soil 

The instant touch of your skin with the sand brought warmth to your heart

It would probably be the last time you will ever feel something of the sort

A strong wind hit the ground and formed a twister  

In it you could hear all the voices of the ones you've loved 

And that made all the sorrow in your heart grew bigger and bigger 

Tears dropped from your face and you stand up 

Ready to continue and leave all that behind you 

They will be truly happy now and you will no longer be in pain 

You kept on moving and bleeding 

And when you have finally reached the end of the world 

You saw it, a calm sea, waiting for you to get in 

You never really learnt to swim but that didn't matter 

You jumped in 

The water washed away all of your sorrows 

You were free for the first time

Suffering will never reach your heart ever again 

The depths of a bright blue sea protected you 

Nothing or any one could harm you there

You have found your peace

Searching, Looking, Moving

At times everything seems lost
You cannot find your way home
The streets are covered in a thick layer of darkness
No matter where you turn
The light is far away


You find no rest
You find yourself deep into a pool of sorrow
Just you and loneliness
Just you and the darkness
Without love, without hope..


You try to look strong enough
You kept your tears to yourself
You hide yourself at night and cry
You lie in bed and try to sleep


And even if you are feeling so lonely and so sad
How could you be such a fool and open up your heart?
Why would someone want to hurt you in such way?
Will things ever go back to reality?

You wonder, you hesitate...
All you need is a helping hand,
A kind heart to show you the light,
To bring back the hope,
to bring back the warmth in your heart...

A believer you must become,
An optimistic,
You must get back up,
You must take care of yourself,
You must take something,
Something that will help you move
And feel better...

A cup of tea to warm up your heart
A cup of tea to ease your soul
A cup of tea to finally rest at night
A cup of tea to dream about a better tomorrow
A cup of tea to bring yourself back to life

Obscure

Every thing is dark 

It doesn't matter where you look 

The light doesn't seem to reach you 

In the shadows you remain 

Blind, rejected and excluded

From the world that has condemn you 

Nobody misses you 

Nobody remembers you

Nothing last

Nothing remains, 

Not even a single memory on your behalf 

Every thing was just a game, 

A lie, 

A lie which managed to poison your soul

And so your existence becomes meaningless

Your life seems rather pointless

Sorrow and a broken heart are all that is left

Lonesome and forgotten you've became

At the end, suffering was the only goal to pursuit 

at it you did a magnificent work 

But you all should know that you've got some help 

and such credit must be given to you know who

The brightest part of whom you've once been

has managed to fade away 

and so have you 

there might be hope for those who look for you

but they should know,

that only in obscurity you shall be found

Random thoughts of sorrow

Sorrow makes his way in once again, the more I try to escape, to hide, to ignore the fastest it approaches with his long claws penetrating deep into my soul, tearing apart hopes and desires.

Colours have fade away, no rainbows or sun fill in the blue sky, only clouds and rain are left, nothing else remains, no happiness, no love, no brightness, no life.

Help will never arrive, it’s impossible to save someone who has been buried so deep into the ground, hopes are gone, no more waiting, just death.

Ignored, avoided, left behind… Loneliness is my only companion, the only true friend who will forever remain by my side.

I don’t know what the others see on me, but I’m sure it’s nothing good, nobody ever approaches me, smiles at me, sits beside me… What is that that I have that people only want to stay away?

Unloved and unwanted. I was meant to remain alone for the rest of my days with no one to hug me, to caress my skin, to speak kind words to my ear. No, none of that was meant for me… Sadness, loneliness and sorrow on the other hand were made to fill the broken pieces of my heart, making me feel regret and resignation.

Is there a place for people like me???

I need a guide, a guardian angel who help me find the way back into happiness, someone who protect me from the darkness.

Wondering about my life...

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

I'm getting older and I need something to rely on...

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin...

YES, those above are some lines of Somewhere only we know by Keane. Why did I chose those particular three? First of all because I can relate to what's stated there, secondly because that's the way I've been feeling lately, and third well because those three lines really caught my attention, of all the others in the song well those three are the ones I can actually identify the most.

I'm 22 and believe it or not I do think that I'm getting older and yes that I need something to rely on, but someway or another I don't seem to find someone to fill that special place in my life, in my heart. I've tried but all of those (by the way they haven't been many) well, they didn't like me not in the way that I like them (I could say of some of them that it was love, yes it is a big word but that's they way I felt) and even though they aren't part of my life any more well they will always be there, in my heart, occupying a nice spot there. And I don't mind that because they meant a lot to me, but whenever those memories come back to me well it's just devastating, it's the remembrance of one more failure in love. I've never succeeded on that area, and I have always wondered WHY?, that doesn't seem to be a good idea I always end up in further sorrow and the question remains without an answer.

The other thing is that I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin, let's break up that line, I'm getting tired, yes tired of waiting for someone to like me, for someone that I like actually do feel the same way about me, but that seems hopeless since it has never happened to me. No one will wait forever, so where will that leave me, settling with someone who I may not love but who apparently seems to appreciate me, that wouldn't be fair for both of us. The other thing is that, I may have realise that nobody will ever appreciate me like that and that I should already know that I will end up alone, for the rest of my life. The sooner you start accepting the idea the easier will be, that's what most people say when they are trying to give you an advice about your job or something like that, but should I take that cold advice and start making up my mind that I'll never have somebody to hold me close when things get difficult or when having a really bad time, should I? I don't believe that's the right thing to do, but then if I don't do anything to change what's going on in my life, nothing will ever happens, right? Somehow I don't manage to find a way to actually change things, maybe I should just keep on waiting. Maybe I shouldn't think about these things that much...

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? Why this question? Well maybe because I live in dreams, it's a lot easier than reality. I just hope that one day I can ask myself this and answer it with all the certainty in the world, that yes I've finally get to the place I have always been dreaming of, and this place doesn't have to be a location, a city or a physical place but the place in my heart, in my life, that place that I have been dreaming for so long and that I have finally arrived there.

Hopefully in the future I will be able to write in this blog about happy things, hopefully I will have a life and won't be able to write in it :P  Just kiddin' there's always time to write, to dream, to live.

It's ridiculous but it's real

If only life was easy and we were able to decide what to feel and when to feel it... If only, yes life is full with if only premises and what they leave us, nothing but sorrow and broken hearts.

And then I start to dream an entire life of fantasy with you, about how great would it be to be with you, even though it will never happen and by doing so I just hurt myself even more, I end up broken and hopeless. The worst part is that I know it will never happen but still I manage to fool myself and my mind, I start to dream, to believe... and later on all ends in tears.

And then when you analyse the whole situation you realize how crazy it was, how ridiculous, how could you even think that you had a chance, it was impossible and still you insisted on it, yes it was ridiculous but it was real, all that you felt it was real and so it is your suffering at the moment. And you realize that you have to stop blaming yourself, it wasn't your fault, you didn't want that to happen, you didn't decide what to feel and for whom, it was your stupid and foolish heart who drag you into this situation. And now every time you remember his face, his name, every time you see something that remind you of him it all comes back, all the suffering, all your stupid day-dreaming and it's in your head all over again, and you wonder why can't you forget him, WHY LORD, WHY?

Do I have an answer to that? NO, I don't think anyone does have an answer to that. It's a mystery. One of the many mysteries in this life.

But you know if we relax and let things flow they way they are meant to, maybe it will get easier. There will always be one sad (or tons) of stories where you end up with your heart broken, and the sad part is that nothing that serious even happen, but all relationships are complicated and so are human beings so things won't get easier hahaha, sorry now that was sarcastic and a bit cruel! If I don't laugh about my own pathetic little life then who will, I must try to make the best out of it. We'll see what happen and if things don't change soon then you now where to find me, just walk straight to the path of sorrow, turn left to sadness' street and on the corner you will find the heart broken tavern, yes I'll drink up all my problems. See you there, eventually you will be there :P

Je vais bien, ne t'en fais pas! (I'm alright, don't worry)

This is a French expression but also it's the title of a French film, a sort of depressing one which I love (probably because I'm a depressive girl too, and also because I understand exactly and can relate to what's going on with the girl). Anyway, I haven't been feeling that depressed since a while ago, but it has just came back... Why? 

Well that's what happens to me, maybe because I'm not happy, maybe because I want things I'll never have but I'm so stubborn and much of a dreamer to give up and set my mind to it, I'm too much of a dreamer to accept reality, even when being a dreamer it hurts so much, even much than being realistic (because at least when you have accepted reality, you know what to expect and you're not waiting for something great to happen to you, something you know it's impossible in your world).

I don't know what to do to change the way that I feel, sometimes I feel better for a while but it doesn't last long enough, but well what I can do now it's write about it, that's why I share this lines with you, thanks for all of those who read it.

If you've got the chance watch the movie, but if you are in the same depressive mood as I am, maybe you should think about the feelings this movie might awake in your soul (you have been warned).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0FLwIp8FLo  

I leave with you the trailer in case you feel curious about the film.