Sweet Dreams

Isn't it lovely when you can feel your heart filled with love? That amazing feeling you have when walking hand-in-hand with the man of your dreams. Yes it is wonderful, that smile all over your face, the one everybody can notice, you are in loved and for that brief moment it feels so real, so authentic, so unique, you feel like you're flying, suddenly everything seems to have the perfect colour, the perfect light within, it's almost as if you can hear a happy/romantic song as a background... wait a minute, you can actually hear a song as a background, what's going on? Guess what you where with the man of your dreams because you were actually DREAMING.

And it sucks when you wake up and realize that life is still boring and ordinary as always, yes you don't have the love of your life next to you in bed when you wake up, and it does sucks that you go to school or to work and on the way everybody seems to have found love in their lives, yes everybody BUT YOU. 

But hey, it's no moment to feel blue if you see the bright side of things well you are single without worries of a relationship and yet you are still alive, otherwise how will you have such a dream like the one you have last nigh,  it's better to dream than to be so hollow and emotionless, besides do you know why are you dreaming about it over and over again? Simply because you have HOPE, yes you will find the love of your life sooner or later but in the mean time you have to keep yourself busy, with what? with LIVING. All the things you do from now on will define you, all those experiences will fill all the other empty spaces in your heart and in your mind. It's time to make mistakes, to travel, to get drunk, to kiss a guy without knowing his name, you may be wondering why would i do all of those? well it's just FUN. You need to have fun in order to enjoy your life, happiness doesn't mean having someone to love only but loving yourself. And what a best way to prove this to yourself than to give yourself a treat in LIFE.  

Don't be afraid and just live. You should accomplish that dream too.

Wondering about my life...

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

I'm getting older and I need something to rely on...

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin...

YES, those above are some lines of Somewhere only we know by Keane. Why did I chose those particular three? First of all because I can relate to what's stated there, secondly because that's the way I've been feeling lately, and third well because those three lines really caught my attention, of all the others in the song well those three are the ones I can actually identify the most.

I'm 22 and believe it or not I do think that I'm getting older and yes that I need something to rely on, but someway or another I don't seem to find someone to fill that special place in my life, in my heart. I've tried but all of those (by the way they haven't been many) well, they didn't like me not in the way that I like them (I could say of some of them that it was love, yes it is a big word but that's they way I felt) and even though they aren't part of my life any more well they will always be there, in my heart, occupying a nice spot there. And I don't mind that because they meant a lot to me, but whenever those memories come back to me well it's just devastating, it's the remembrance of one more failure in love. I've never succeeded on that area, and I have always wondered WHY?, that doesn't seem to be a good idea I always end up in further sorrow and the question remains without an answer.

The other thing is that I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin, let's break up that line, I'm getting tired, yes tired of waiting for someone to like me, for someone that I like actually do feel the same way about me, but that seems hopeless since it has never happened to me. No one will wait forever, so where will that leave me, settling with someone who I may not love but who apparently seems to appreciate me, that wouldn't be fair for both of us. The other thing is that, I may have realise that nobody will ever appreciate me like that and that I should already know that I will end up alone, for the rest of my life. The sooner you start accepting the idea the easier will be, that's what most people say when they are trying to give you an advice about your job or something like that, but should I take that cold advice and start making up my mind that I'll never have somebody to hold me close when things get difficult or when having a really bad time, should I? I don't believe that's the right thing to do, but then if I don't do anything to change what's going on in my life, nothing will ever happens, right? Somehow I don't manage to find a way to actually change things, maybe I should just keep on waiting. Maybe I shouldn't think about these things that much...

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? Why this question? Well maybe because I live in dreams, it's a lot easier than reality. I just hope that one day I can ask myself this and answer it with all the certainty in the world, that yes I've finally get to the place I have always been dreaming of, and this place doesn't have to be a location, a city or a physical place but the place in my heart, in my life, that place that I have been dreaming for so long and that I have finally arrived there.

Hopefully in the future I will be able to write in this blog about happy things, hopefully I will have a life and won't be able to write in it :P  Just kiddin' there's always time to write, to dream, to live.