Consolation Prizes

I've learn something last week, something rather important for me, and to be honest it was about time for me to realize that but hey better later than never and since it is an important matter I thought that I should tell you all about it. 

It happened to me that in that moment when I was feeling so sad and depressed about my non-existing love life that a guy show up, and yes he seemed to like me a lot and I liked that, not him precisely but to feel appreciated yes... I know it sounds a bit pathetic but hey who hasn't feel like that anyway... don't judge me so fast.

This guy started texting me and it was nice, since he talked about how he liked my curls and stuff and so I answer to his texts and even though I didn't really wanted to meet up with him it happened that I always saw him, close to university, downtown, and it was so weird because even though I like the feeling of being liked well I really didn't like him, and yes he was sweet and everything but also a drug addict, and he didn't work, he was 9 years older than me, he can't keep a job for more than 2 or 3 days, his parents support him, and emotionally he wasn't stable at all and he doesn't know what he wants and the way he approached people it wasn't that nice, it was weird and a bit scary to be honest. 

So with that description being given you can now know that I was incredibly vulnerable and that's how I end up sorta going out with him for like a day and then woke up and realized that I deserved something better, I'm not saying that in a cocky manner, the point I'm trying to make is that you shouldn't settle with so little just because you feel you'll never have something better. Maybe what it takes to change your current situation is to change your attitude, trying to be more positive, accept yourself, and just realize that you'll meet someone who will love you whenever the time is right, whenever you're ready for it. If you love yourself then it will be easier for the rest to love you too. 

Just because you haven't won the BIG PRIZE that doesn't mean you have to settle with the crumbs, with lousy consolation prizes. 

Be sure you know how much you're worth and go for the jackpot, that's what you deserve, no less ;)

That's what I've learned that I deserve something better and that I shouldn't settle with less just because there isn't something good at the moment, better to wait that to fall in an eternal abyss.

LIFE and Concepts so hardly stick in our minds

Why is it that we find so easy to judge someone? Why?... Answering this question turns out to be quite difficult, maybe it's something I don't want to admit, do I believe I'm better than the rest? Am I that egocentric and shallow? I don't believe those words truly mark my character. Why then it's so hard to answer to that question? Is there really an answer? Maybe there is one but since it's so hard to accept maybe we decide to skip that... I believe that it's because we don't want to look our reflection in the mirror and notice all our flaws, and so we decide to focus on the rest, we detect them and point at them as if they were the most horrible thing on Earth (yes, this is one girl's opinion, you may differ about the answer to that question and you're in your right to do so, we all think differently).

Due to all that previous argument I have come to ask myself the very own significance of awkwardness and weird, yes two concepts apparently so easy to comprehend, and yet I don't feel like looking up the definition on a dictionary, that's not what I care about. I don't want that my perception of those concepts to be influenced by what a dictionary says and definitely not about what society has imposed as awkward or weird.

But they are already under that imposition, if they weren't probably they wouldn't exist in my head. My perception of awkward and weird has been previously set by society itself. Then this derived to a new question, don't I have a mind of my own? All our very thoughts have been polluted by the influence not only of society but also about our own cultures and the history of our own countries.

Is my mind already set to believe all the things they want us to believe? I'm starting to feel like if I was a robot or as if I was in one of those science-fiction film when the main character is starting to realize where he is and what's his reality... I hope for my own sake that this is not the case.

Have we all been brain washed by society, by our own rulers just to do whatever they have in mind for us to do? Ok, this has turn out a bit dramatic, right? Well I refuse to believe that I haven't been thinking by myself all this time, that I have been thinking what others wanted me to think, that someone has inserted all those thoughts on my mind. No, of course it cannot be, if it were to be like that I wouldn't be writing this right now, that's why my main point is that we should start forgetting about all those concepts that society in a certain manner has put in our heads, we are free to decide what's weird and awkward and why classify people like that? We are all humans after all, there is no need to behave in such a discriminatory way.

Ok, even though all my arguments seem pretty convincing I still can't help the fact that I feel so uncomfortable whenever I'm with someone who's different from the rest... (And I feel so bad about it, now that I have analysed this thoroughly) And I'm not saying that I'm going to be Miss Best Friend to Everybody because it's not the point, I'm not that nice LOL no one can't be that nice.

Could it be that I'm pre-set to feel uncomfortable with those who are different from the rest? Am I scared? I don't know for sure, maybe it's a combination of both and many other things I can't really perceive quite so easily.

Now I just feel sad and I do regret all those times I treated someone differently just because they were so different to me, and it's not fair to do that. Sometimes I have felt rejected, neglected, and/or ignored and it's not nice at all, I don't know if I have been considered weird or awkward to be around, so why having this attitude towards others? I don't see the point, it's time to change, it's time to be a better person.