Silent Nightmare

It had been a rough day so after classes I decided to go directly home, I took the bus, overwhelmed by the crowed and the traffic but no more than usual. I get off the bus at my stop and then I start to walk, between the sun rays hurting my eyes and the dust the wind so gently decided to get all over my face I find it quite difficult to see. 

I get home, somehow that walk last longer than usual, there's no one home, there's a note on the fridge -"We went out, there's food on the fridge", it said. Submerged by the exhaustion of the day I choose not to have that lovely meal (a bunch of sandwiches put together on a plate, no thanks). I climbed up the stairs, I open the door to my room and I lay down.

What a rough day it was! It's all that I can actually come up with, no more thoughts, no depth meant to achieve today. Suddenly I hear a peculiar noise downstairs (They're probably at home, I thought, so I didn't pay attention to it and grabbed my earphones and listen to some relaxing tunes.), then I  began to feel weird, my bed began to feel weird to be precise (not my bed per say (that wasn't specific enough)), the surface feels funny as if I've never lied on this bed before, it's hard and it smells like if it was new. 

Maybe I was too tired and my mind was starting to feel the effects of exhaustion, I didn't pay attention to it, the music relaxed me for a while but in spite of that I couldn't manage to sleep, and to add some weirdness to the picture I didn't hear any noises downstairs any more (O! well they'll come up in a minute to bother the hell out of me, I said to myself).

An hour passed by and still nothing (Maybe they've forgot something and left again), anyway I was too tired to come down and check myself, so I just close my eyes and a few tears came down. I wasn't sad, not that I recall to anyway. It was strange, and then I remembered that I'm always sad, I have been wearing this invisible mask of happiness and everydayness that, for a minute I forgot my current emotional state. 

An then an idea popped onto my head, was I really at home? was this my bed? was I listening to relaxing tunes? was I upstairs in my bedroom? was this real or maybe it was all on my mind? How could I ever manage to discern between illusions and reality? How? The idea was driving me crazy, maybe I was just dreaming, but I've never been aware of a dream while I'm dreaming, so that was out of the question. What was going on? I screamed but no one seemed to answer. 

Odd, pretty odd. I went downstairs, the atmosphere seemed a bit sad as if no one had been there for centuries. Loneliness was all over the place, yes loneliness and then I tried to open the front door but I couldn't do it, it got stocked. I wanted to leave that place, I wasn't feeling safe any more, I needed to leave. I was alone, no one to help me, no one around me. Out of nowhere a drop of water fall on my face, I look up but there wasn't a hint of where it may came from. I didn't care much about it, I was trying to get away from that place, that bizarre house.

I had been running all over the place, up and down like crazy and nothing, I couldn't get out. I went upstairs again, to "my room" and lay down there. Once again, I was crying and water drops keep falling from everywhere as if the sealing was about to come down, I didn't care what was about to happen, if I was to die crushed by the sealing so be it. I keep on crying and the sealing finally came down, I had it all over me, it was just water. 

What was this place?- I asked myself one more time, I couldn't keep on crying. Abruptly and without notice, dozens of bruises throughout my arms as if I had been jabbed on the same spots for days. I was losing my mind or perhaps I've already lost it, either way I needed to get out of that house,  I went to the roof and without hesitating I jumped, the free-fall felt amazing, I felt alive I wasn't scared about hitting the ground nor dying for that matter, all the suffering seem to go away, I closed my eyes and before reaching the ground I opened my eyes wide open, my eyes hurt the light was too bright. -Was I dead, I wondered. 

And so I feel a kiss on my forehead, and it was you. My heart was filled with bliss, finally I'd be by your side. You took me in your arms and as you were walking I felt like I was floating, soon I'd be happy again. You open a door, it was raining outside, you open the door of your car and I tried to smile as much as my weak state permitted me. You drove away and on that white hell I never set foot on again.

An easy escape

Have you ever feel that everything surrounding you feels funny? For some strange reason none of your clothes fit, that fashion doesn't seem to suit your life, your shoes are too big or too small. You are so tired, and all you want to do is lie in bed and forget about the world but there is something wrong with your bed, it feels weird as if it were somebody else's bed. You try to over look all of these series of strange events during the day but as days go by you began to wonder, to doubt.

You watch out, you stare, you walk slowly for what reason? Well, that's rather simple you're on a quest, yes a quest, a quest which will determine where are you and what are you doing, a quest which will define you..

You began to feel a bit paranoid and people looks at you in a strange manner, as if you were crazy as if you didn't know what to do next. 

You cannot sleep, you cannot dream and you will not close your eyes until you find out the truth. Somehow the zombie-like appearance that you have now made your own scares people, they freak out and it is unavoidable for them to stare at you, in that way somebody stares at a death body lying on the middle of the street, the blood calls you, that lifeless and miserable corpse calls your name and you cannot help but to answer that calling, you stay there and suddenly without anticipation, corpse and body became one, all the sadness which the corpse embodies is now carried by the body. 

And that's exactly the way you look now a sad, lifeless walking body, a human without hopes nor fears, a man in search of himself, in a quest for the truth that will never come. When you decide to make that quest you accept the fact that you have lost your soul, the essence of your being, but you didn't bother to get it back in stead you got obsessed by an idea, the idea that you were living somebody else's life, the idea that someone had taken you to that place, that place that looked so unfamiliar to you, that place that you hated and that you couldn't recognize. 

Of course it would have been hard to recognize the place where you spend most of your day on, once you have lose yourself it turns out impossible to recognize anything else in your life, if it is hard to recognize yourself imagine then, how hard is it to recognize all the things surrounding you, it is not possible. 

And so you have spent valuable time and energy on that particular quest, that pointless quest. You already knew what the truth was but you chose to ignore it and now you are a stranger in your own life, you feel like if someone else had took over and invaded your thoughts, but it was you who let all the misery and decay in this world to become the rulers in your life, there is no escape except that which the mind so easily provides and with which you decide to poison your soul, your thoughts, your instincts.

Forgotten you will be like all those who drank of that nourishing poison which tortures one's existence...

At the bridge

Every single day she crossed the bridge to go home, it was the long way home but she didn't mind walking a little bit more, she loved that bridge, it brings peace to her soul. In that bridge she can admire the beauty of the city, all the city lights, the marvellous buildings, the tall trees, she could think in that bridge but only good things. 

It took her a while to cross it because she always stopped to look below, to hear the water flow, O! That glorious river which awake her soul, the sound of the water made her feel at peace and it made her believe in possibilities, that dreams were possible if you try longer. And so night after night she filled her heart with hopes of a better world, of a better life. 

When she gets home she sees her boyfriend exhausted for the day and they barely even talk, they make love, more like a habit rather than for the passion of it, and when he finishes he turns out the light and she tries to sleep, her boyfriend having been physically satisfied falls asleep like a baby but her she has some trouble to sleep and so she starts thinking about her life, but not with the calm that the bridge provides her, she’s upset with her life, with her relationship, at the end she sleeps tired from the day. In the morning, a kiss wakes her up, suddenly her boyfriend is acting like a loving partner. She turns over to find him and kiss him just to find out why he’s acting in such manner, she feels his erection. That’s why she said to herself, he begins to rub her breasts. She doesn't want to have sex with him, she’s not in the mood so she pushes his hands away and turn over to sleep for while longer, he insists as every man would, she pushed him again, so he leans towards her and whisper in her ear : What’s wrong darling? Don’t you love me? It'll be fun. She’s thinking a lot of things and wondering how exactly he hasn't notice her mood lately and how could he think that she enjoyed last night. But she thinks to herself that it might do some good to her, so she kisses him and grabs his penis, it’s hard and erected, did she do that? And suddenly she begins to feel better about herself because she can make her boyfriend excited. And so they had sex in a very different manner, much more passionate and meaningful. 

They both say goodbye and go to work, on the way she found herself very happy and a bit changed from the rest of the days, and she had a great day at work. At the end of the day, it was time to go back home and she decided to skip her walk on the bridge, she wanted to go home soon to be with her guy. When she arrived home she found her guy with another woman, she was devastated, how could this happen to her? 

Everything seemed to be perfect this morning. He was quite surprised that she was home early. It turns out that every day she crossed the bridge it took her about an hour, a perfect time for him to have an affair with another woman. 

She went to the room and began to pack, it was his flat after all, she called her best friend and stayed with her for a couple of weeks, during that time she went to work regularly, she was lost, how could she ever thought that she was happy? How didn't she notice his cheating on her? It was pointless to keep on thinking about that. 

Two weeks have passed since the incident and it was Sunday, she decided she wanted to spend some time by herself, she went shopping and to museums, she saw her beloved bridge which she haven’t crossed for so long, she decided to cross it, it was windy her hair moved beautifully along with the wind, suddenly she saw her ex-boyfriend’s brother, he waved at her, he keep on walking she stayed on the middle of the bridge, she dropped her bags and stand on the edge, she was quite certain about what she should do next and so she did it, she jumped, it was quite high and she didn't know how to swim. 

The free-fall felt amazing, she was happy for that brief moment, she knew that she didn’t jumped over him, it was because she needed to do it. She hit the water, it was cold and she could feel how the water filled her lungs, she didn't care she was at peace once again. Suddenly she heard someone screamed. 

Fifteen minutes passed by and she found herself out of the river throwing the water out of her lungs, she was 

breathing. She opened up her eyes and there standing nearby and soaking wet was him, he the one who 

cheated on her so easily. 

The first thing that come to her mind was: Who did he think he is to be acting in such heroic manner? Why? Why now? I'm not going to forgive him just because he saved my life, no no no, I must be strong whenever he approaches me. It doesn't matter if he jumped 20 feet out of a bridge just to save me, either way he never crossed that bridge before, why now? 

A few minutes went by and she was alright according to the paramedics, she just needed a rest, he approached her in the way she knew she will, he seemed defeated and repented. He looked at her just as he 

did the very first time he saw her, and she noticed some love in his eyes, he kissed her forehead and drop a little kiss in her nose. Perhaps time will tell whether he has changed or not, either way she was positive, if she 

was saved was for a reason, she was going to make the best out of her life, as to her ex-boyfriend, in time 

and with some insistence on his side they became really good friends.

Now she goes to the bridge, that place where her life changed so drastically, she goes there not only to think 

but to be reminded why and how she happens to be alive.