You in Time

Another day passes by and I look the same,
Tired, absent and spiritless...
Somehow I have managed to keep a mournful sight of myself
As if I was the one on a coffin
As if I was the one who has been cremated...

Seven days pass by and I feel the same,
An atmosphere of sorrow has penetrated deep into my soul
No matter how much I try, I just do not succeed...
I attempt to forget but those memories will forever remain...
I will venture one day into the deepest corner of my mind
To put my life in order and gain knowledge about me.

It is the fourth night and my heart does not seem to stop
Its constant rhythm keeps me awake at night
Its permanent desire for love gives me no rest
And even if most fractures have healed, the scars stay...
Perhaps as a warning, perhaps as a reminder...

Night after night I have wondered
During the day I have been dreaming away
Unaware of life happening besides me
Unaware of the damage it was causing
But with hopes and regrets that will forever be there,
Trying to keep me awake
Trying to make this all go away
Trying to bring the love that will save my soul
And even if I despair,
My hopes and dreams will never fade away.

Obscure

Every thing is dark 

It doesn't matter where you look 

The light doesn't seem to reach you 

In the shadows you remain 

Blind, rejected and excluded

From the world that has condemn you 

Nobody misses you 

Nobody remembers you

Nothing last

Nothing remains, 

Not even a single memory on your behalf 

Every thing was just a game, 

A lie, 

A lie which managed to poison your soul

And so your existence becomes meaningless

Your life seems rather pointless

Sorrow and a broken heart are all that is left

Lonesome and forgotten you've became

At the end, suffering was the only goal to pursuit 

at it you did a magnificent work 

But you all should know that you've got some help 

and such credit must be given to you know who

The brightest part of whom you've once been

has managed to fade away 

and so have you 

there might be hope for those who look for you

but they should know,

that only in obscurity you shall be found

Cold weather in Europe

Between the polar wave all over Europe and the cold fronts elsewhere, the climate hasn't been so neat over the past few weeks and even though we try to make it through the day or we complain because the cold is perhaps a little bit too much to bare, I have no saying in this since people in Europe are dying over this, and maybe it is time to sit down and think a little bit about what could the government over there do.

Don't get me wrong I'm just a Mexican girl with an opinion, and yes this Mexican girl is a fan of football, and the Euro 2012 is coming and everybody is so excited about this event, specially since its an even taking place at Poland and Ukraine, which I think is a huge plus it will increase the tourism on those countries and people will become interested in both cultures not just the football event per say.

You'll probably ask yourselves wasn't she going to talk about the cold weather? And my answer to you it's yes, so just keep on reading. Both governments have made all the arrangements in order to have a great event, but have they notice the numbers of the people dying in both Ukraine and Poland due to extreme weather, and of course the ones suffering are homeless people and elderly mostly, elderly probably there isn't much to do about them but homeless people are loosing their feet due to cold weather, and what will they do if they are already homeless and now without a foot too?

The main reason of all the homeless people dying is because in Ukraine they don't have shelters for those who don't have a house to live in, isn't that ridiculous? If you are in a country were it snows and it's not just cold as in Mexico let's say, shouldn't there be shelters for the people to seek refuge at night??

It is amazing how we are willing to spend money in things that may be not as important as someone else's life...

Submerged

Sometimes you don't know what to to say, what to think, what to write, what to sing...
And so you remain silent, people may find you indifferent, people may find you rude...
You choose to ignore them and then you move on...
You keep on walking and you float along with the wind, in perfect syncrony
Watching a leave dancing in the air,
A perfect combination of green and everything else...
Appreciating life and what surrounds it, that seems more important, more meaningful...
And even if you find yourself trying to change, trying to be in the same place as everybody else
You know your heart, your restless soul and your reserved being...
For now this is right, for now you do not need more than this...
Life provides you with its wonders and you just need to relax and be marvelled at them...
And you will find yourself submerged by nature...

I will go on...

I know I was wrong 

but, who are you to judge me like that? 

Who do you think you are to call me names like those?

All those insults that have broken my soul

All those tears shed since you've started to put me down 

I won't take it any longer,

I think about death 

I consider suicide

But I won't give you the satisfaction 

I won't be weak

I have to keep on breathing

Somewhere a new life is there waiting for me

I'll run away and forget about you 

I'll change my ways and be the best version God created of me

I won't disappoint myself 

All this crying I cannot stop

But this new plan will be fulfilled 

I won't live here

I don't want a life like this any more 

The tide

It's almost the end of the year and in spite of having a good year I still found myself into a big depression which I dare to say though I'm no expert, that it's getting worst. I don't like worrying people so I keep most of it to myself or find myself talking about it with people I don't know, people far away from me, it seems easier that way and it allows me to express myself, to unburden myself which is always good. 

But those who suffer of depression won't let me lie when I say that talking about it, crying, trying to do something different, trying to clear your mind it's just not enough, sometimes the sorrow is bigger than you and you can't control it. 

Today in the afternoon I was at home and I saw that Cast Away was on, so I watch the film, I've always liked it anyway. And the final message of it really caught my eye once more, some thing I always new but I have long forgotten. 

When Chuck Nolan, the role played by Tom Hanks finally leaves his island on the boat he built and get rescued after that, he is telling one of his friend the story when he was on that island. And Chuck said that even that he was very sad for loosing Kelly, Helen Hunt, once more he knew that he had to keep on breathing, keeping himself alive because no one knows what the tide might bring to us one day, something that may helps sail the deep ocean which  is keeping us away from our life and being desolated. 

I know I will never be able to not feel sad or depressed but whenever I feel myself like that again I will remember that line no one knows what the tide might bring to us one day and that's why living is worth it and the wait won't be eternal, we just have to be patient and see that the sun will also shine tomorrow. 

About Unhappiness

Hateful thoughts of unhappiness
Continuous looks of indifference
Perfectly ignored
Rejected as a contagious disease
Misunderstood as a vulture in the open sea
People staring at me
They do not comprehend the complexity of your soul
They do not see how lonely you've become
They do not know how sad does it feel
To be alone,
To be unwanted,
To be unloved...

Every tear
Every nod on your throat
Every realization of what your future will be like
Alone, without someone to hold on to
Without someone being happy to see you
Without someone to hold you
Without someone who will take all your sorrows away...

And night over night over night
You drag yourself to bed, trying to sleep and
While you're lying there thinking
About your day, about your monotonous life
And how it doesn't seem to change
How it's everyday the same
And you try to be strong, optimistic
But you just can't take it any more
It's too much suffering for the uncertainty
Of what may the future bring
Of the life you could have
But you never will...

Tired of waiting for something to happen
Tired of waiting for someone to come
Tired of trying to change what I can't control
Tired of trying to make myself happy and forget about it all
Tired of crying
Of this life
And of being here

What shall the outcome be?
That I cannot tell for sure
But sometimes a tragedy it's what it takes to be free of it all...