Trapped

Every single day that passes by I wonder why am I in this situation?

I want to get out of this coffin, the bad part is that since there isn't dirt over it, it's harder to set me free.
All over the coffin in which I find myself buried alive are my troubles, both internal and external, with my family, with friends, with the world, with life, with my current sad situation. But not only troubles surround and cover my coffin, no, also my loneliness, people's rejection, people's looking over my head and ignoring me completely, the fact that I'm invisible for others, the fact that I always like the wrong guys, the fact that nobody likes me, the fact that I'll end up alone.
All of these turn into sorrow, depression, sadness, crying and I end up, emotionless, alone, suicidal, mad at the world, mad at God, faith, etc.

And so, little by little as my troubles grow bigger my coffin goes deeper underground, and it's harder to get out, I don't even know if I want to get out any more, I don't think that if I do something will change, will I be happy? Maybe, or maybe not, perhaps I'll end up less depressed but on the same situation, unloved and unwanted.

Why was I created for? I have never found myself to be loved, to be truly appreciated (yes, I do have friends and they do make me happy but unfortunately I can't be with them always and sorrow comes back to take its place instead). Why suffering has to be the most important thing in my life, the most outstanding out of everything else?

Now I feel lifeless and I don't know how to change from a state of sadness and misery to a state of happiness and peace of mind. Perhaps I'm not meant to find out, perhaps I'm a terrible person who deserves all of this pain, my wounds they never heal, and even though my face doesn't show my pain it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Not all that it is in the surface it's what's inside.